Could a Child Choose Which Parent to Live With?

Please Help!!! I have 5 children who reside with me my 15yr old son is from a previous marriage, I was given full residency of my son when i divorced his father 13yrs ago and I have always maintained a decent relationship with my ex husband and always facilitated contact between my son and his father. At xmas (2012) i found out that during a contact visit my son had taken canabis as hes allowed to basically hang around with a bad gang of kids at his fathers and he has no boudaries or rules hes allowed to do whatever he wishes, my ex husband also gives him alot if money lets him out till whatever time he wishes, smoke cigarettes, provides him with condoms and my son loves it there (what 15yr old wouldnt) Anyway last week I had surgery and my son was due for a contact visit for the weekend at his fathers and was due to be returned on sunday as usual however, on saturday I received a solicitors letter stating that my son was not going to be brought home and that he was now going to live with his father...this was not discussed or agreed in anyway. I have been advised eventhough I have full residency the judge will only listen to my sons wishes and that it makes no odds whether or not his fathers house is the best place for him emotionally or anything else. I am so worried as all I can see is this ending in disaster as he is allowed to run riot and has no parental guidance. Hes already been in trouble with the police fir making threatening calls this week ... I am thinking of applying myself to the court for an emergency order to have my son returned and throwing myself at thr mercy of the judge but I am allowed to do this and also do I have any hope of getting anywhere if i do get in front if the judge... Thanking you in advance for your help but I am desperately worried Louise

Please Help!!! I have 5 children who reside with me my 15yr old son is from a previous marriage, I was given full residency of my son when i divorced his father 13yrs ago and I have always maintained a decent relationship with my ex husband and always facilitated contact between my son and his father. At xmas (2012) i found out that during a contact visit my son had taken canabis as hes allowed to basically hang around with a bad gang of kids at his fathers and he has no boudaries or rules hes allowed to do whatever he wishes, my ex husband also gives him alot if money lets him out till whatever time he wishes, smoke cigarettes, provides him with condoms and my son loves it there (what 15yr old wouldnt) Anyway last week I had surgery and my son was due for a contact visit for the weekend at his fathers and was due to be returned on sunday as usual however, on saturday I received a solicitors letter stating that my son was not going to be brought home and that he was now going to live with his father...this was not discussed or agreed in anyway. I have been advised eventhough I have full residency the judge will only listen to my sons wishes and that it makes no odds whether or not his fathers house is the best place for him emotionally or anything else. I am so worried as all I can see is this ending in disaster as he is allowed to run riot and has no parental guidance. Hes already been in trouble with the police fir making threatening calls this week ... I am thinking of applying myself to the court for an emergency order to have my son returned and throwing myself at thr mercy of the judge but I am allowed to do this and also do I have any hope of getting anywhere if i do get in front if the judge... Thanking you in advance for your help but I am desperately worried Louise

Hi i have a residency order for my grandson as his mother walked out when he was 3 months old, im going for special guardianship but a dna has just been done to see who his father is. we now know the results and the father wants to see him then take him. does he have any rights?? and could it affect my order

Some advice please - I have 2 children by my 1st marriage which failed in 2004 - 14yrs and 10 yrs. I have custody/residence of both children and have had so since 2007. I remarried in 2008 and everyting was fine. Over the past 3 years my current wife has been very difficult with my son who is now 14. It reached breaking point 18 months ago when I threatened to walk out of her life unless she behaved more reasonably with my son. Things seemed to calm down but only for a week or 2. My son was obvioulsy not happy and I was really concerned for him. If I tried to raise the subject my wife would get all agressive and then we would end up arguing. She would accuse me of taking his side and not hers. My 10 year old daughter didn't get involved. Now after taking this for 3 years I have decided enough is enough. My son is on the verge of a breakdown and I have decided to move out of the house taking the children (who are mine and who I have a court order for) and moving to a rented house. My son is really happy about this but my 10 year old wants to live with her step mum. I have now moved out, my 14 year old son is with me yet my 10 year old daughter remains with her step mum. I am playing it cool as I do not want to be seen as the aggresive father who just turns up at the house and takes her away (god I feel like doing that though). This must sound ridiculous to many of you but I really don't know what to do. What I really want to know is what are my rights as the biological father? Can I demand that she comes with me? Do I have to go back to court to have the order enforced? Her biological mother is not happy with this arrangement either, and does not approve of her daughter living with her step mum. Any advice or help would be appreciated.

Some advice please - I have 2 children by my 1st marriage which failed in 2004 - 14yrs and 10 yrs. I have custody/residence of both children and have had so since 2007. I remarried in 2008 and everyting was fine. Over the past 3 years my current wife has been very difficult with my son who is now 14. It reached breaking point 18 months ago when I threatened to walk out of her life unless she behaved more reasonably with my son. Things seemed to calm down but only for a week or 2. My son was obvioulsy not happy and I was really concerned for him. If I tried to raise the subject my wife would get all agressive and then we would end up arguing. She would accuse me of taking his side and not hers. My 10 year old daughter didn't get involved. Now after taking this for 3 years I have decided enough is enough. My son is on the verge of a breakdown and I have decided to move out of the house taking the children (who are mine and who I have a court order for) and moving to a rented house. My son is really happy about this but my 10 year old wants to live with her step mum. I have now moved out, my 14 year old son is with me yet my 10 year old daughter remains with her step mum. I am playing it cool as I do not want to be seen as the aggresive father who just turns up at the house and takes her away (god I feel like doing that though). This must sound ridiculous to many of you but I really don't know what to do. What I really want to know is what are my rights as the biological father? Can I demand that she comes with me? Do I have to go back to court to have the order enforced? Her biological mother is not happy with this arrangement either, and does not approve of her daughter living with her step mum. Any advice or help would be appreciated.

My daughter is 10 years old and comes to stay with me every weekend, but over the past 6months she has been in tears every friday sayin she doesn't want to live with her mum anymor. Me and my daughter have tried sitting down with her mum and told her she wants to live me with me but her mums not havin it and has refused. My daughter is now even more upset because of this and I feel I have to do something about this asap as my daughter is purposely being naughty for her mum thinkin her mum will send her to me aand I'm afraid its going to affect her education. What are the chances of me goin to court and them allowing my daughter to stay with me throughout the week and at her mums on weekend??

Hi, my son who I has been prevented from seeing me for 2 years although I have been in contact with, called me out of the blue yesterday and asked me to meet him. He is 15 years old.When I did he told me that he had walked out of his house and didn't want to go back. He says his mother and stepfather have stopped him seeing me for the last 2 years even though he wanted to and constantly pick on him and make his life miserable. They pressure him and bully him and that if I made him go home he will just run away. I took him home to my house and informed his mother of his whereabouts and wishes. She threatened to call the police if I didn't take him home. I refused and the police were called but all they asked was if he wanted to be here and if I was ok with that. Now we are being threatened with court.My son no longer wishes to speak to his mother. He is in a panic now though as he thinks someone is going to come and make him go back to his mother. As I have said he is 15. can he be forced to return without his wishes and feeling FIRST being considered? Also can he legally change school without his mothers consent? I hold parental responsibility. Please help!!

im not getting on with my mum and its been like this for a while and its making us both really unhappy, its not only causing problems for me and my mum it is effecting her relationship with her partner aswell they argue constanly because of the way things are with me, i really want my mum to be happy but shes not with me living at home because she doesnt trust me and she thinks i lie constantly. i really think the best option is for me to leave and live with another family member. with my mums permission could i go and live with another family member?

i have a 14 year old son his dad and me have been divorced since 2007, his dad sees him about once a month and i dont recieve any money from him to help with my sons activities or clothes, i am getting married and my son wants to add my future husbands name onto his name so he will still have his dads name but also my future husbands and my name, my ex husband will object to this, do we need his permission to add a name to my sons even though my son will keep my ex husbands sir name as well.

i am goin to be 17 in less than a month. my dad has custody but my grandma has gardian ship. my dad lives in arizona and so does my mom. my dad sent me to live with my grandma in FLORIDA because things werent going well at his house and i ended up cutting myself. he expected me to just leave the state without ever seeing my mom again until im 18.. im very very unhappy in florida. i have no other relatives there besides my grandma. ive always wanted to live with my mom but couldnt do to drugs on her part. my mom has been clean and sober for over a year or two now. and she really would like me to come live with her. but the town she lives in, isnt the best of towns. ive gotten into some trouble myself in this town when i was much younger. thats why my dad doesnt want me to live with her plus because of my moms past. i cant get it through to my dad that shes doing good and so am i. ive set goals for myself i want to be a police officer or join the military, and no matter what or where i am my goals will not change. but until then i would like to be happy and spend as much time as i can with my mom before i set off to ful fil my goals. i want to take my dad to court and have either my mom or grandma get costudy, ive looked into getting emancipated but im unable to because i cant support myself and i dont have a job. im also scared to lose to him. if i lose im not sure where i will end up. someone told me i could end up in foster care. is that true?? please help me im kinda stuck on this. should i stay till im 18 and be unhappy or should i take my dad to court and risk it??

i am 12 years old and i have the same problem. i have 4 brothers and 2 sisters which most of them have different mums and dads to me, which means my mum and dad have ex s which caused most of the problems. both sister have moved out and 2 brothers have moved out. one still lives with each parent. i am stuck in the middle, where i have to live 2 days with my mum then switch etc. and my mum always has arguements with her boyfriend and my brother. i cannot stand it but i am forced to keep switching houses. i want to live with my dad full time. is there any way i can help this?

In Mississippi corte how old dos my son has to be to desire to live with me

My sister died last year leaving behind her finance and 2 children, aged 10 and 5. The children previously stayed with my mum and dad about 5 days a week but since my sister died the children have been living there full time. My parents have taken over full responsibility for the children as their Dad hasnt been able to cope. Their Dad has since met someone else who he is now living with and spends most of his time with while my parents look after his children. He swans in and out of their lives, he hasnt been there for the children while they have been grieving over the loss of their mother, he doesnt understand what he's doing is impacting on his kids lives, they have gone through enough. I need to know if there is anything my parents can do to gain some sort of custody over their grandchildren. They need stability and routine and my parents need to have some sort of legal rights over them, so he cant just walk in and out when he feels like it. I would like to say he does provide for his children he just doesnt know how to look after them, we do have the best interest at heart for those kids, my nieces whereas he doesnt! Please help

hi i lived in the usa for 21 yrs married have two beautiful kids ,in after 13 yrs of marriage ,i pulled out of the marriage, and ever since took full care ofmybabies ,however my wife too the kids away ,when to court got join coustady, then the mother start failing to pickupat kid on her days ,ok, i spoke with her ,on severaltimes for the best of our children ,nevr listen went court again had full join coustady ,same problem took her to court for full coustady ,she failed to apper twice ,on the finial hearing date agu 18 2009 ,she had me deported ,however ,i never stop supporting my kids i have tons of western union recpiet in my possion ,my daughter is now 16 and my so 12 ,i tried to ask the mother to send my kids to mefor 4 weeks ,at this point the kids ,wants to see me ,cause we spend 90% percent time together ,in nyc ,now we always on the phone ,cause there mother ,hardly spend time with them ,can i not have my kids for 4 weeks ,on vacation even do they states the wants to live with me ,all the along ,tell the answer ,,i an advocate for domestic abuse and open door education counsler ,lo,

@anonymous I'm in the almost exact situation except for the bit about the step-dad have you had a reply or got any more info yet?

My wife and I divorced nearly six years ago. She took our three year old son back to Northumberland, where she is from. I live in London. I have been travelling to see him every second or third weekend in all of this time. Additionally, I have him for some for half of his school holidays. I idolise him. My initial plan was to steady my finances, as this divorce cost me a six figure sum, and then move to be near him. In the last year, I have applied for a dozen jobs (I am a teacher) but not got a single interview. I am beginning to realise that relocation is possibly not an option. Six months ago Ibecome involved with a woman and it looks like becoming long term. My son and girlfriend are fond of each other and he has suggested that he would like to come and live with us now. His mother would not agree to this and I know that I don't have a chance as he is only nine. However, I am financially sound and I can provide a good home for him. When would it be feasible to apply for custody and what is the procedure? I hasten to add that I would only do this if my son was definitely sure that he wanted to move.

I have an 11yr old son and at present he spends a week with myself and a week with his dad but he has expressed a wish to stay with me and visit his dad at weekends. his dad doesnt agree with his request. if i apply for residency is it taken into consideration where he wants to live aswell.

I have 4 children with an x we've been separated 3years,3boys9,8,3 an one girl 5 i have them every weekend an any holidays iv got them,the two eldest want to live with me.where do i stand? But since the boys have said this there mother saying she going to stop them coming to stay,its not the first time she has done his when things dont go her way,an im really at a loss and dont know what to do or where to turn.the phone i bought for them to keep in touch daily has been taken away by her also.can anyone please give me advice?

I've been in this situation for some years, my mum and dad were never married but they separated before i could even remember. My father is very unstable and lives a lifestyle i really don't want to live: He has a male partner (wich is a thing that doesnt make me very confortable), he's vegetarian and makes me eat vegetarian wich i really don't want to either, he doesn't have alot of food in the house so i'm almost hungry there, he keeps inviting people he doesn't know from anywhere to his house when i'm also sleeping there and that makes me feel unsafe. He's very strange and get mad at me if i don't laugh when he enters in my room dancing and jumping in the morning while im getting dressed for school. I have some very bad memories from when i lived with him and its just a very complicated situation for me. My mother is sometimes unstable too, but she has a calm nice clean house (my father lives in a place that is very discusting and he's sick with AIDS), i have my room with my things ( i dont have anything of my own at my fathers) i have my pets there too (my father doesnt allow me and threaten to let my bunny loose on the streets, and i dont mistreat my pets so he has no reason to do that) i don't know it's just a completely different envyronment from my fathers and i just love being here, it makes me feel much more confortable as a teenager girl who needs her things, her space, and her privacy. I don't want to stop seeing my father, i have lunch with him sometimes and so, i just can't live with him, it makes me crazy, do you think there is a way for me to do this?

I have 2 daughters who live with their mum in Cornwall.We seperated 3 years ago and divorced in July 2011.The finances and parenting stuff is only just going through now, we agreed on finances but my x wife will not let me have me have the girls half the time, because my oldest daughter says that she wants to be with me at weekends to start with and maybe more in the future. My youngest daughter is the opposite and wants to live with me now.She doesn't care if her older sister is living with us or not.I would prefer if both children were to live with me, though I understand it may take time for the other to come around, get used to it. I live 340 miles away due to work and commute to them every 3 weeks or so. I want be moving to Cornwall until the New Year 2013.I want the children to live with me when i move to Cornwall. Is it advisable to wait until i move to Cornwall before applying for a residence order or is it worth persuing it now? My daughters are 15,13 respective. Thank you.

Hi. Hope you can help My daughter is 12 and lives with me but she goes to her dad every weekend. Lately she has been very moody at home and her dad has been telling her she can go live with him which i am gutted about as all I have ever done is be a good mother to her and my working hours are to suit her also. He has been interfering in her life at home too, asking if she is being looked after properly etc. I can't take much more. Now my daughter is telling me it is up to her who she stays with and if it goes to court her dad will win because she wants to stay there. Is this true ?

hi, ive recently turned 15 and have been struggling at home, my mother met my step dad when i was only 2 so hes been in my life for nearly 13 years.6 years ago my mother and step dad gave birth to my little sister and now there is also another baby on the way.im struggling with the fact that my step dad is very sarcastic and i dont like him at all.he also compares himself to my father who i love very much and hate that he does this, i want to live with my dad on a permanent basis but my mum insists im not allowed where as my father is all for it.i feel left out as part of the family and feel much more comfortable with my father, am i legal to live with my dad on my own accord or do i have to go through court which im not looking for.please help, im hating this and i am very anxious to live with my father.

Question- My younger half sister (13 years) who is currently living with her mum, is having a hard time at home due to her step father who seems to be mistreating her rather alot. Mostly Threats are made by him, if she has a bit of attitude towards her mother he threatens to 'smash her in the face'and soften puts his back hand and finger close to her face. he has once slapped her around the face but other than that it is just threats and bullying towards her. she is in a very unstable way, Crying to her friends and to herself in her bedroom most nights. She has only just confronted me about what is happening at home and the way she is being treated. And i want to take full constudy of her but im not sure were i stand with legal rights with only being her sister. And what age does a child have to be to decide where she wants to live. Many thanks

Hi, my question even though similar to the aboves, is actually quite different. Let me explain.... Last year, my son met a girl whom then told himof all forms of abuse from their mother and noe ex partner. She was 17.5 years old and asked me for sanctuary which I gave. Almost one year later she is still here as no one could stop her from staying here and now she spends most of her time with my son [now her fiancee]. Now in january 2012 her younger sister then 15.5 years old phoned her sister to ask me to do the same, as i was a bit worried I asked Social services and they told me everything was perfect at home so at the end of the week I asked for police advice and they told me to pick her up and bring to my house where it was safe, this I did and they took aa statement and asked me to look after her. Well now at nearly 16 [june 2012] she was taken from her friends house, before i could pick her up, by the social services without a court order and then placed with a foster carer without a care order. On top of that the mother issued through someone from the police station a formal warning undr section 2 of the child abduction act 1984. Basically stopping me, my wife and my son, her sisters fiancee, with a formal warning under section 2 of the child abduction act 1984. Stopping any access from anyone and because he sister spends near on all her time with my son, her sister can not see her sister either and the younger sister has been told she will not ever see any of us including her and is to forget us and that they, even at the age of 16 will take her away miles and miles to keep her away from us so she will never see us again. The thing is, the youger sister wants us to adopt her and of which after a while and various discussions with her and everyone else in the family, we agreed. Now at no time or point was a judge been sort spoken to or allowed to make a decison on anything. There has been no court order for the child's removal, there has been no judge to decide on the care order and no judge decided and agreed on the formal warning that we were served. The child was taken to a house and family she did not know and were complete strangers. The area was an area she has never been to or knows. She is stopped from making any phone calls to anyone. She is stopped from going out. She is being stopped from contacting a solicitor or having a representative of her choice in any meetings and is escorted round her school like she is under guard. Basically any rights that a normal person has or even a prisoner in jail has, has been taken away from her. Her only crime was to feel save, happy, cared for and for want of the better word, to be loved and wanted. This is what we give to our children and gave to her older sister and what she wants as she sees us as her mum and dad as we treat her with respect and like a person. So in my mind the social services illegally removed/kidnapped her against her will and illegally placed her in a

My son is 12 years old and has recently been hit a few times by his mother and thrown out of there house. He now wants to live with me which is what I've wanted for years but have had a constant battle with his mother because it seems the law is very much against fathers. Social services know of the incident that I have just mentioned and they haven't seemed to do anything about it. Now I have a have heard that if apply for parental responsibility that I still won't have the final say we're my son lives because his mother will still have the main descion. So what I'm asking is now that my son is 12 is he old enough to decide legally were he wants to live on his own or will I need to go to court again to waste yet more money on court orders that in the end mean nothing ????

@Blondie. Discuss it with both your parents and see if they can come to some arrangement. If it has to be decided in a court of law, you are deemed old enough to give your opinion to the judge but lots of other things will be taken into consideration too.

hi im 14 years old and i live with my dad and although he never has miss treated me i've always waned to live with my mum, please can you tell me at what age can i choose to live with the other parent and also what i would have to do to get to that point? thankyou.

@Blue. We will work on a template for this and post it on the site soon.

Hello, Can you tell me what words are legally appropriate for this? I will send an email to my ex solicitor asking for my file. The case finished in November last year. I want all of the documents, they go back a few years. Kind regards, D K

This is a long one. I ama trying to find out at what age can a child choose to live with the other parent? I am a step mum to two wonderful boys, although there isnt anything abusive or any neglect where they are now we truely think they will be better of with us. We have them every weekend and every school holiday. Although this sounds great we think that we have more to offer, due to where we live and the amount of time we can give them, even down to the fact that we do they homework, bath them every day, make them brush teeth, when with their mother they get bathed once is 5 days and dont brush their teeth and are always in clothes to small. They both have said they would like to live here but we would not separate them. Is there anything we can do? i know this sounds minor to some cases but we truely think this is the best option for them both and of course we would love them here. Please help!!!!