Contact Orders and How They Affect Parents

Author: Jack Claridge

When a separated or divorced couple cannot agree on the amount of contact that the parent not living with the child should have with their offspring, a contact order can be obtained from the Family Court. This order normally stipulates the number of hours per week that the child can stay with the other parent, and often a set day or night.

Are Contact Orders Only Issued If The Parents Can’t Agree?

Usually this is the case but there are occasions when the children involved don’t think they are spending enough time with the other parent. It may also be necessary to implement a contact order if one parent is spending too much with a child or is not returning them to their home at the right times.

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Do Contact Orders Cover Visits Only?

A contact order can be issued if the parent not living with the child feels that their visiting time is not long enough or not often enough. If this is the case, then the parent not living at home may ask that he or she be allowed to converse with their child by telephone perhaps once or twice a week to break up the periods between visits.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

On What Grounds are Contact Orders Issued?

Contact orders are issued if there is no sign of agreement between two arguing parents. More often than not the child will find that they are being used as a weapon against the other parent, so the magistrate will issue a contact order to ensure that arguments over visiting rights are not part of the overall equation.

Can Contact Orders Be Changed or Cancelled?

Yes, they can but as with any order issued by a magistrate it must be changed or cancelled by them during a hearing at which both parents must satisfy his or her requirements. A contact order can be changed if both parents come to an agreement as to visiting and wish to make it official, or the order can be cancelled if there is a reconciliation between both parents. The magistrate will be interested primarily in the best interests of the child and will not make any snap decisions.

The magistrate may ask that a court liaison officer visit the family home to undertake an assessment, and also speak with the child (or children) involved to ascertain their feelings on the situation.

For more information, contact a solicitor who specialises in Family Law; you will find them listed in your local directories and also online.

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82 questions

Ask Law and Parents a Question

Em1 08/08/2020 at 11:47 pm

I need help. I'm. In Portugal and my ex partner is in UK I now she is smoking weed I don't now what to do. I don't have the means ou posecions to go to court. Can any o é help

Vikki 19/02/2020 at 7:30 pm

Hiya tracy 83 ,I'm currently living in Scotland and and I managed to get my daughter support from a ex qualified social worker/ advocacy worker who works with children 16 years and under, my daughter can definitely speak for herself now and is full of confidence.

Tracey83 01/01/2020 at 4:04 pm

I have two children age 15 and 13 who live with dad in Scotland he obtained residency order through lies. My son came down for few weeks with infected toes which he says was left for 3 months. He could bearly walk. He has been telling me he needs to come home as all day r sat in a bedroom as can not speak to there dad or partner about anything. He said if he tells me anything he will be punished. What can I do? Social services would not listen to him but social services down here say the dad is controlling the situation . Hiw can I get my son to speak up for himself.

K 28/08/2019 at 11:50 pm

Dad have court order for children 3 days a week when that time court order dad told the court he can look after children full time also children going in narsury when time was court order. Now children starting school this year dad decided to arrange child minder to look after children when children in his care and he saying he working every day. I have told him I Can take children to school and pick them up and change the working hours he is not willing to do that. Please advice me is father able to do this if mother willing to look after children. Not got for children taking from mum and keeping in care of child minder not even in his care please let me know what to do . Thanks K

K 28/08/2019 at 11:45 pm

Dad have court order for children 3 days a week when that time court order dad told the court he can look after children full time also children going in narsury when time was court order.
Now children starting school dad decided to arrange child minder to look after when children in his care and he saying he working every day.
I have told him I Can take children to school and pick them up and change the working hours he is not willing to do that .
Please advice me is father able to do this if mother willing to look after children.
Not got for children taking from mum and keeping in care of child minder not even in his care please let me know what to do .
Thanks
K

Dad needinghelp 19/08/2019 at 8:45 pm

My ex and I have a court order where I have my daughter every other week from Thursday 5pm until Sunday 1pm.
As my daughter goes to school and I live 70 miles from where she lives we started collecting her after school on the Friday and pick up times varied on the Sunday.
My ex is now insisting that we stick to the timings on the court order and being very demanding and manipulative.
I have said that if we are sticking to the court order then we need to stick to the days as well as the times; alternatively she needs to be flexible with the timing of pick up on the Sunday as I’m losing 24hrs of time with my daughter and we could amend the court order however she is point blank refusing.
My question is if I arrange a tutor for the Fridays then am I allowed to pick up my daughter on the Thursday?

Pippop7 17/05/2019 at 11:42 pm

My ex husband and I had a verbal agreement for our two children this has changed over the years and recently has changed because I do not have enough time with them due to working in the week and they are at school. He has been having them at weekends I have offered time in the week to make up for this but at times he works away so this isn’t an option for him.
He has now said he’s taking me to court, will he get granted weekends because he works away ? We are not amicable at all, it’s become very bad between us. I am worried I won’t get any weekends with my children. He has a drink driving conviction, also has two other children that he doesn’t see or pay for will this be taken into consideration ? He also isn’t regular with maintenance, he has arrears to pay me through the child maintenance service and also arrears to pay another mother of another child he doesn’t see. Will any of this affect the courts decision?
He wants to have the children two nights per week and two days but only on weekends, they attend full time school and I work so there is no quality time in the week with them will this be taken into consideration?

Sonu 16/02/2019 at 9:35 pm

Hi, My seven-year daughter is subject to a care order but is living with my ex (her dad) after a child arrangements given at same time as care order in mid-2017. I have supervised contact every two weeks for three hours, my daughters from a previous marriage (daughter's stepsisters) have contact one a month, their contact is in the community for two hours, mine is restricted to a contact centre. Contact has been going very well for over two years, there was an interim care order with supervised contact leading up to the final hearing. My daughters and I are desperate to progress contact but the social worker is adamant this won't happen any time soon, he has used false claims of us breaching the contact rules to support his position on this. We have proven him wrong several times. One example is he stopped contact on an allegation from the father without even reading the contact notes which exonerated us. We strongly suspect that father interrogates his daughter after contact to obtain information to twist and use against us. We dare not say this to the social worker as he accuses us of making "unfounded allegations" and this will undermine my daughter's placement.

We are in stage two of a complaint procedure and we will follow through to the ombudsman if needed. Is there anything more we can consider? We strongly feel we have been marginalised, there are many other reasons for this that will make a long posting even longer. Any suggestions are welcome.

LawAndParents Editor 01/08/2018 at 11:48 am

Keep all the messages that you've exchanged offering the mother extra days in exchange for the two she's missing. Most child arrangements orders will have clauses relating to school holidays anyway...and it's not usually a breach of order to go on holiday with the children. As for putting the children into activity clubs, while the children are in either parent's care, it's that parent that is responsible for the children at the time, i.e the other parent only has a right to know about important decisions that might arise (such as a medical emergency). If you feel it might benefit the children to give them extra time with the mother during the long summer holidays you can have this specifically documented in a variation of the exisitng court order.

Emsebob13 31/07/2018 at 7:11 am

Hi. I have a residence order for my 2 children aged 8 and 5 which states that they live with me and see my ex every weds and every other sat/sun. I have booked a weeks holiday in the uk and due to go in 1 week. I offered my ex alternative dates plus some extra ones during the school holidays to make up for the days that she will lose with them due to our holiday. She will lose 2 days and I offered her 6. She declined these and instead just get harassing me by text stating that it’s in the best interests of the children to see her 50:50. I couldn’t agree to this. She has now waited till a week before we leave to continue with the constant messaging about me breaching the order and going against what the children want. She is accusing me of not putting the children first during the holidays as I have booked them into a few activity based holiday clubs (as I work full time) which they have enjoyed and organised days with their grandparents/ auntie and cousins. She believes that it is in the best interests fir them to be with her over any activities or spending time with other family members (she hasn’t worked for the last 5 years). She keeps saying I am breaching the order by going on holiday and sending me links suggesting I could be fined or sent to prison. Surely I am allowed a weeks holiday in the uk even if she doesn’t agree? I have tried to offer her alternative dates? Please help!

Winner 25/07/2018 at 5:10 pm

I have a court order in place for my son he see his dad through the order he is due to go to his dads but unfortunately my sons surgery date has come through for the same time as he was going am I legally aloud to cancel contact that week thank you x

LawAndParents Editor 25/07/2018 at 3:34 pm

3 half days per week doesn't sound like shared care but is probably a reasonable length of time for a baby to start to bond with her father, this can be increased in the future but anything less might be worse for your child in terms of bonding.

Lsf93 25/07/2018 at 12:20 am

I have a 4 month old daughter father has been in and out of her life so doesn’t really know her had my first meeting at the courts (he applied) today and basically the Cafcass officer said he should pretty much get shared care straight away she doesn’t even know him and is still very young I know how upset she will be this is breaking my heart!! I also made a temporary agreement before the final hearing beside I felt intimidated but I’m not happy with it do I have to go ahead with it or can I change my mind as 3 half days a weeks seems too much when he’s a stranger to her and she gets so upset when away from me :(

Beth 24/06/2018 at 6:50 am

I live with a man who does not speak to me or the children, there's no eye contact, slams the door when he comes in, when i speak he's argumentive and swears, he has been saying nasty things about me to my daughter and telling lies, and hurtful things to daughter, I have had a fist in my face at Christmas after he made false lies and nasty remarks to daughter, for 6 months I do not speak to him in case there's a sudden anger flare, I am not married been with him too long, kids are 13 and 9, I am treated like I don't exist hes nasty about his parents too, though I think he makes me out like I am a horrible person because he doesn't visit them. Regarding a prohibition steps order because I don't want him taking kids out of area as he comes from Scotland and I live in England and to stop kids being taken to certain toxic persons, how do I stand, I want to leave but custody stops me because he slags me off and tells lies, he's a cruel man mentally I feel like I am trapped. Help

LawAndParents Editor 01/06/2018 at 3:27 pm

You can go back to the courts to have the child arrangements order amended.

Frustrated mum 31/05/2018 at 1:17 pm

My son is 13 years old. He decided to stop going to his dad's back in Jan 2018 due to circumstances.

I have a court contact order dated October 2008, when my son was 3 years old,which is therefore not being adhered to anymore.

My child maintenance is being calculated as shared care because of this old contact order even though my son is no longer going and I therefore have him full time. How do I dispute this and can the contact order be cancelled? It's now only being used with regard to child maintenance payments and nothing more...

Stecraigs 29/05/2018 at 5:36 pm

Hi ther I have had my girls for about 3 months now we have attended court and the local authority have concerns about ther mam the section 7 report is due this month the school police and social have concerns from the housing issues dog excrement all over hand prints of kids on walls of this she has currently supervised cot act in a centre but the social is going for unsupervised but my concerns are ther said ther needed to spot check her which ther have not ther have made appointments that ther have let her cancel and have finally got in and found two broken windows what was a concern in her last home but the social worker doesn't seem concerned about this and said ther are ok with Un supervised contact now ther are rumours in the air that despite everyone's worries ther mam is going to refuse to return them wen the unsupervised contact takes place she has already sent my youngest to school to say I was hurting her I'm really scared of them just not getting returned wer do I stand as the judge left it to the local authoritys descression but ther are not doing what there said ther wud wer do I stand if ther mam doesn't return them before the section 7 goes in

Laura 28/04/2018 at 2:50 pm

Hi. Me and my partner split up when my baby was around about 2 months old she is now 3 months old, since she was born I have done everything on my own without no help from him. He works 7 days a week and till 7 of a night he wants me to drop the baby off after 7 at night so he can see her for an hour which I have told him no, if he wants to see his daughter that late he has to come to her and can get her ready for bed but he won’t. He is saying am stopping him seeing his child and that he’s going to take me to court. He’s never been left alone to mind the baby only with my mum or his mum in the house with him therefore am worried about him minding her on his own as she’s so young and he’s never been a hands on Dad. His mum is also wanting me to drop the baby off with her for a full day which I am nervous about as she’s has nothing for the baby at her house. She came to see the baby last week for the first time in 3 weeks she stayed 25 minutes as the baby just cried the whole time. I just wanted to know were I stand has she’s still only a tiny baby and don’t feel comfortable leaving her with them and no ones made an effort other than his Mum just the once, every other time I’ve taken her to see them and they just expect me to drop everything to suit them. Please can you give me some advise.

LawAndParents Editor 09/04/2018 at 11:08 am

The section 7 report will investigate all the circumstances and the judge will usually decide based on information gathered in the report.

Dawn 06/04/2018 at 5:20 pm

I have a contact order on my granddaughter she has just turned 8years old last see her mum when she was 13 months old went court last week as mum now want to see her in court she openly admitted to smoking cannabis and was rocking back and forth on her chair had a bit of attitude in court.judge has ordered a section 7 to be done by cafcass.
I'm worried that a contact order will be granted in a contact centre.
As I fill it's not in my granddaughter best interests as mother's still smoking cannabis still not dealt with her anger issues any advice as due back in June.

Mama 29/03/2018 at 11:47 am

My almost 13 year old daughter decided 1 year ago that she wanted no contact with her father (I have never stopped her or voiced my feelings to her!) He took me to court last week and it was adjourned. The cafcass report came back with him stating that I have Münchhausen by Proxy. Therefore a safeguarding sicial worker has interviewed my daughter and myself and will attend court when we return nwxt month. I am wondering what preperations I need to make in order to get the outcome myself and my daughter want.

PB 17/03/2018 at 6:16 pm

I have a 3 year old and and have been separated from the father for 3 years since October 2017 the father took me to court for a contact arrangment order the order was made but since then he has changed the order about 3-4 times and threatening to take me back to court he is now wanting to take our 3 year old away abroad but because I have told him I want to think about it he has told me I have a week to decide or he taking me to court the father has never been on holiday himself and he only sees our child 1 night a week because he wanted to change the order also my child lives with me on a day to day basis and even when at her dad's she get upset when I'm not there and I'm affaid if he does take her away longer than normal and she can't come home because she is abroad? What can I do?

LawAndParents Editor 28/02/2018 at 12:45 pm

We can't tell you what the courts will decide. They will investigate all the facts and make the decision they feel is in the best interests of your son.

Desperate mum 27/02/2018 at 5:07 am

I have just separated from a psychologically abusive husband who has been physically rough as well. We have a 3 year old together. He is a bully and manipulative person who has shouted to our son as well, and our son saw him being violent towards me.
He is pushing for 50:50 shared parenting agreement but I am afraid of my son mental health now that they will be on their own. It will be so unsettling to live in two different places. In the past, Every time ex was to take care of our son for over 3hs he would demand a babysitter. I am also afraid he will eventually move to Spain and apply to take my son with him. I don’t think mediation is appropriate as he is manipulative and I am afraid of him. This I thought of asking sole custody with plenty of contact. Please help on what could the court regard of me being reasonable in this situation.

Jade0x0x 21/01/2018 at 8:28 pm

I have been with my partner for 3.5 years. I have a 9 year old son, we have an 18 month old daughter, and I am also in my early stages of pregnancy.

My partner has always smoked weed, but it was only approximately 1 year in to our relationship that I realised how bad it was. When we moved in together I realised he was spending around £600 per month on it. When I fell pregnant also 1 year in to the relationship (October 2015) he said he was going to completely give up smoking. Of course, I was worried about this as I knew there could be withdrawal symptoms. Anyhow, come 1st January, he completely stopped as his resolution. He never touched weed again... until end of the last year (Dec 2017). He just outright said he’s started smoking again and it’s his choice whether I like it or not. I have just found out I am pregnant again with my dates showing I got caught in November, so prior to his change of heart. Having been through the stage of him smoking, and also the stage of him being completely clean I am extremely devastated. Watching the effect and the changes the weed has on him now is heartbreaking. I am not prepared to have him around our children whilst he continues to smoke it, and would like some advice on where I can go from here, and also what my rights are?

LawAndParents Editor 06/11/2017 at 10:18 am

The children have every right to see their father and the mother should not try and prevent this. If she refuses mediation, a court order may be the only other option. The courts will not see your presence as an obstacle to contact.

destroyedfather 22/10/2017 at 11:06 am

I discovered that my wife was having an affair recently, I left for work and called her for her to tell me the truth but she didn't, I eventually called again and he answered the phone he threatened my best me up in front of my kids, I returned home immediately and was assaulted by him, my ex and him lied to the police and had me arrested but there was no further action on the police's part... however she is seeing this man that assaulted me who is a drug user, and has my boys near him... I don't want to take my boys away from her, but I want to make sure they are never around him for fear of their safety... what can i do please help I'm desperate

LawAndParents Editor 19/09/2017 at 12:07 pm

Make sure social services are aware of everything your ex has done in the past. It's your children's safety and state of mind that is important here, so if you have any doubts, make sure you are 100% certain that social services and the courts (if a child arrangements order is sought) are aware of the father's behaviour. You could try insisting on supervised contact by someone other than your ex's mother if you feel she cannot protect your children. Family Lives or NSPCC are good places to get additional/individual advice.

char 17/09/2017 at 3:01 pm

Hi a bit I history ex and i were together for 4 years I have a 5 yr old from previous relationship and we have a 8 month old my ex also has 2 children who are in care taken for abuse and drug problems
we broke up when baby was 2 months I left with kids while he was sleeping as I wasn't allowed out with both kids. Ex was very controlling and abusive he hasn't hit us but he would scream at us and throw stuff at us and has attempted to burn the house down while we are in it. He would threaten and call my eldest names while sreaming in his face the only way to try and stop was to make it about me so then when he went to smash the house up I could get my son into his room and tell him he can't make any noise so I could go downstairs and take the punishment. We lived in a glass box where noise was not allowed so no talking tv playing ect I couldn't always get in the way no matter how hard I treid and my ex would threaten to kill all of us and it would be a very scary few days where I truly believed he would and my child was terrified .
I wasn't allowed to speak to people people were not allowed in the house when our baby was born I wasn't allowed to stay in hospital even though baby wasn't attaching I had to lie to the mw so my ex could smoke weed at home once home he started screaming at my eldest again.
Now we are going through a child arrangement order he has baby one afternoon a week and half day Sunday I have pushed for no over night an for contact to be supervised by his mum even though I don't trust his mum to be able to protect baby and stand up to her son
I am currently waiting for social services to do a assessment on the contact arrangements to see if it should be longer include nights and if supervision is neccarsary.
I am so worried that no one is taking me seriously
Am I wrong to think that baby will not benefit or be safe having contact.
I am stressed with what I have put my children through
Will I have to agree to nights and unsupervised contact if it is what the social worker says or can i say no our baby will not be safe

LawAndParents Editor 27/07/2017 at 12:11 pm

It shouldn't make a great deal of difference in a child arrangements order. The courts will only take this into consideration if they feel that your son might be at risk.

ToddB12 23/07/2017 at 3:56 pm

I am starting legal action to get a court order in place to see my son. He is 2. I have one worry which is I have a police caution for cannibis. Police caution was received 3 years ago. It was a mistake and I don't take any drugs. Will this affect me?

Hardie10 06/10/2016 at 8:11 pm

I allow my 2 year old little boy to stay with his dad two nights a week and have never stopped him , I try and include his family and him in everything as I feel my son deserves his dad and grandparents in his life ,his father has a girlfriend who when I was pregnant wished harm on me and my son , I don't want her near my little boy and if I don't do what my ex wants he threatens me with courts and gets nasty , I don't know what else to do as I can't take the emotional abuse anymore

MrsMeggs 22/07/2016 at 10:10 am

Our son has once again separated from the mother of his 8 year old daughter, and when he has the responsibility of looking after her, he is being harrassed by his ex. She insists that she has a legal right to demand to know who can/is look/ing after the child while in the care of the father!
Is this correct?
Or is the father allowed to chose who he lets care for his daughter while she is his responsibility?

LawAndParents Editor 29/06/2016 at 12:34 pm

You cannot force a father to have contact with his child unfortunately. If you would prefer that the father only saw son when his partner was not around (because of the DV) then you could apply to have those conditions added to the existing court order.

shorty 28/06/2016 at 10:04 am

i took my ex to court to sort contact out after him.not seeing him for 5 months.my son was having regular contact with his dad up until 5 months ago when he got arrested for dvo.i then told my ex he could see his child but not at his house or around his partner as i do not want my child around that sort of thing.needless to say my ex then sent me a text saying not to contact him again and he will sign his rights over.ive never contacted him since and he's not textd etc to ask after our child is.inwas thinking of going back to court to cancel the court order to everything is legal.im confused as to what steps/action to take

LawAndParents Editor 31/03/2016 at 12:46 pm

if you think the children are at risk then you can apply for a prohibitive steps order.

flowerew 29/03/2016 at 9:31 am

Hi I have 3 children with my ex. He was abusive towards me. I went to court to get a prohibited steps order and a contact order. I have only ever seen the contact order so I'm unsure whether the prohibited steps order was even put in place. Anyway, my ex got with another woman, she had 3 kids and then she had a baby with my ex. He was abusive towards her and they split. She still lets him into her home and he takes my children there. I would like to know if I have any rights to tell him not to to take my children there. My eldest son (5) has told me that they can now go to the ex girlfriends house because daddy doesn't hurt her anymore! I could really do with some advice. Thanks in advance.

marmite 03/03/2016 at 6:30 pm

We have an SGO for our 6 year old grandson. His father is being very hostile towards us and threatening us with his solicitor saying that he is going to get contact venue and frequency changed. What can we do to stop him having contact

LawAndParents Editor 01/02/2016 at 2:33 pm

You need to have a formal (legally binding) agreement in place - that both parties have to stick to. If you cannot agree terms via a mediation service, you can apply to the courts for a family arrangements order, which will set out contact times, travel arrangements, finances etc.

Smithy 30/01/2016 at 8:08 am

Hi, my partner has a 5 year old son from a previous marriage. She moved two and half hours away when the boy was about 2 years old.Regular contact was in place and she was bringing him down every month to see his dad for a week and then picking him up again.That was changed when the boy started nursery but mutually agreed that she would bring him down a week every other month as not to interfere with his nursery.However since the birth of our son this has all changed.She refuses to bring him down now and insists we go up there.Which we have done but started accusing us of not feeding him etc...and lying about breaking down.My partner asks regularly how his son is via text but she just says I will reply when I want to.Yet when my partner was made reduntant and got a bit of redundancy money she was quick to contact him then and say she was entitled to some of it although she signed an agreement upon divorce stating she wouldn't be.We have offered to pay her petrol costs as she comes down to see her family who live in the same town on return for just a few hours for my partner to see his son but she refused this too.We don't know what to do?Can you give us some advice please.Thanks

worriedone 28/01/2016 at 8:20 pm

My husband was physically, mentally, emotionally and verbally abusive to me. He has also done some pretty extreme forms of parenting in front of the children, not actually hurt them, but to me perhaps the emotional stuff is far worse. Roll on, after the number of times I have phoned the police, Children's Services gets involved. I keep being told that I need to protect myself and the children. So I go for a non-molestation and to try get something saying the children will live with me. Haha, what a fool I was for thinking that a real conviction, medical evidence, damage to property, interviews with the children, police incident numbers etc would help to protect us. He is now contesting the non-molestation and the residency. Children's services have to give their view on contact, even after I have said all this and shown the evidence, they are still wanting to give him access! I will shortly find out if this is to be the case, to then be told in three months who gets residency. Am I the only victim of domestic abuse thinking it would of been easier to not report, for all the hoops I'm having to leap through. It's going to kill me seeing any contact order with his name on that says unsupervised, because I can't see the ending being pretty.

LawAndParents Editor 20/01/2016 at 11:34 am

This does sound untoward. Most courts would request views from all sides before granting this kind of order. Ask for a copy of the order and request information on the actual hearing from the courts. Your relative might need counter appeal.

quays 19/01/2016 at 1:26 am

Hi my relative has a shared custody order which he had to go to court to get. He split up from his children's mother in their 1st year and he was told he would never see them. It took 2 years of courts and mediation to get a shared custody order. He got contact twice a week mid week and every other weekend. ( though this always came with lateness, cancellations due to illness or events planned in the father's time. also physically lashing out, untrue statements about pushing chidlren, lots of cry wolf stories to the police all which were unfounded and disproved. Lots of provacataived behaviour in an attept to get the father to react with violence all attempts failed. Father insists on not meeting mother alone and usually goes with his mother or other family member and picks up children in public place which has cctv and witnesses. However in November mother stopped father from picking children from school ( as he normally would ) by surrpising him with a "No Contact Order", school confused as both father and mother had court letters so called police. Mothers paperwork more recent so police let mother take children even though they should have gone to father that weekend. HOw can a "No Contact Order be issued without knowledge of the father"
Very humiliating and unfair as well as distressing to children who adore their father.

Wendy 16/12/2015 at 6:16 pm

My ex has a residence order for my son since he was four years old due to me suffering from a nervous breakdown after we split up. He was extremely nasty to me and that led to my breakdown. My mental health is now fine (apart from depression due to not seeing my son enough). He was bringing him to me every week and more in the holidays but since my son accused his step mother of physical abuse he is being difficult and trying to stop me seeing him. Can I get a contact order to make sure I get to see my son regularly? His step mother is a social worker herself and I feel that due to this fact, Social Services have not dealt with it properly. All I want is for my son to be happy but he is not, he has also been told that his father and step mother are separating and has been told it is his fault. He is not happy at home and has told me that living with his father and step mother is making him feel suicidal! He is only nine years old and I am genuinely concerned for his safety and mental health as he feels bullied by them both. They both continue to try and turn him against me which does not work but it is starting to make him hate them both. What can I do? For His sake?

Temc 15/09/2015 at 9:42 pm

Hi

My eight year old came back from contact with his dad six weeks ago upset and full of questions about what his dad was smoking after listening to what he was smoking and how he made it, it became pretty clear his dad was smoking cannabis around him. He has told me he doesnt want to see his dad any more. Ive reported it to police,social services and have contacted a solicicitor...however nobody seems to care that four children ranging from 6months to 12years are having drugs used around them. I am being told as police and social services dont seem interested that in court im going to look like im making it up...even though my eight year old son is refusing to go with his dad. Im really dusgusted that i am expexted to carry on with contact order and knowingly send my son to sit next to people smoking canabis. I really dont know what to do.

LawAndParents Editor 18/08/2015 at 12:55 pm

You can apply to the courts yourself for a child arrangements order (ie an order specifying the times when you can see your daughter). You should also consider the mediation as an option before heading to court. A mediation will help you produce a (legally enforceable) agreement with the details of contact times etc.

Mcn23 15/08/2015 at 10:18 pm

I have two children aged 12 and 10. I was divorced 6 years ago and me and my ex agreed that the children should spent 3 nights a week with their father. After 6 years of this the children decided they no longer wanted staying contact. I went to court to vary the agreed order. After cafcass involvement a new order was created where the children no longer have staying contact. My ex is now in pursuit to regain his overnight contact. He has taken me to court for breach and then told the magistrates in the hearing that he was revoking his application for the enforcement order. Even though I had breach because the children had a sleep over on his contact day. The children refused to go with him. He's intent to changing the order yet the children are set that they will not resume overnight contact with him. On what grounds can he change the contact order?

Nanasue 22/07/2015 at 3:49 pm

Father has day to day care of my granddaughter but my daughter has equal responsibilites and a court order detailing contact days which includes holiday share but following a recent un provoked altercation with my daughter resulting in Police be called as my daughter and son were assaulted and father was arrested he has stopped contact all together which will mean my granddaughter will lose out on a holiday with her mother. Can he just stop contact for reasons that have no concerns of my granddaughter but purely because he had the hump over something and took it out on my daughter and son and appeared to be high on drugs as well. CAFCAS involved but wont do anything and daughter can't afford to take the father to court.Please can anyone help!

mia 15/07/2015 at 12:12 pm

My son is living with granparents on a residentcy order. The social services are no longer involved. So what the social services arranged before is void?
I want to visit school to see my son in a play as its his last year at that school. Been told by school not allowed to school by social service's they hav nt been involved for mths.
What can I do now.
Thanks

LawAndParents Editor 17/07/2015 at 2:20 pm

@tilliefloss. Any arrangements should be made with your consent/communication as you are the parent with residence. Your ex should not be making arrangements with a 7 and a 4 year old directly, that is putting way too much responsibility on their shoulders.

Tilliefloss 15/07/2015 at 1:49 am

My ex will not speak to me and is now not answering my tx messages, he rings our boys (7 & 4) to organise seeing them and sleepovers not consulting me at all. He works continental shifts and I have always been flexible to accommodate this, but gone honest I'm at breaking point.
He gives me £30 per week which I think is too low but he will not budge or discuss it.
He didn't even know boys broke up for school last Friday when he rang them today (last time he spoke to them was last Thursday)
He has arranged with boys to pick them up for tea tomorrow 3pm - 7pm.
I sent him a tx msg which said. Boys are with their Grandad tomorrow as I have an appointmen, I will tx and tell you whether they are at home or Grandads prior to 3pm.
I then sent another tx half hour later saying please acknowledge tx so I know you have rec'd and read it.
Then tried to call him he wouldn't answer.
I feel like contacting him and saying due to you being unreasonable and unwilling to discuss contact with boys I will be contacting a solicitor to get advice.
Am I being unreasonable?? - Help!!

Mumsy 09/07/2015 at 4:13 pm

Hi. My son hasn't had contact with his father now for 2 years. He is 11 now and currently having support from CAMHS for PTSD caused by his father. We have an order for no contact in place as well as a bar from out address being given to my ex. My son is starting secondary school in September and my ex has called the primary school (he found out where it was) to find out what school he will be going to. The school haven't said anything as yet as they know there is a no contact order in place. Do they HAVE to tell him ?

Bella 29/06/2015 at 3:03 pm

My child is a toddler and since I asked my ex to leave, he's insisted on only seeing our child a few days in a month. I believe my child deserves more but gave in for my child's sake until he didn't turn up on boxing day, as agreed, made no contact to excuse himself and made no contact whatsoever from 17th Dec (when we agreed he'd see our child on boxing day) until he rocked up thinking I'd hand our child over in January.

As you can imagine, I refused to open my door and went into the front room whilst he smacked ten bells out of my front door.

He then emailed me asking what I was doing and I responded saying if he's not committed to bring a parent, what is my child benefiting from?

He applied for and was granted a contact order, which suited me, as it seemed this way he couldn't come and go from our child's life at whim, but this weekend gone, he arrived an hour and a half later than he said, although he did email me ten minutes before he was due to pick our child up saying he was stuck in traffic.

Traffic happens, but in the meantime, I've cut my child's day short in order to be at home ready for collection and as our child is so young, he is unable to understand that he is coming and gets into a real state, which is really upsetting for us both.

In addition, he collected our child just a half hour before bedtime and I emailed to say it's too late to put such a stress on little shoulders and I don't believe it's good for our child to be picked up so late when his time is very short as it is.

FF to Sunday and he turns up unannounced and without my knowledge or agreement, an hour early and informs me that he will be dropping our child off at the earlier time from now on, as I said it was too late for him to be picking our child up so it's too late to bring our child home.

I tried explaining, in an email that it was completely different, as my time with our child is not limited to a few short hours each month and I also stated that he was not to turn up here out with the hours as granted in the order. He also pushed my door when I was trying to close it on Sunday and I made it clear that he was never to bring violence to my home ever again.

I was matter of fact about what was expected but he responded with yet more abuse and saying the order is against me and he can turn up here any time.

There really is no getting through to this person that this should be about our child and not his personal grievances, but he is so self absorbed and only interested in his own happiness that our child seems lost in all of his game playing.

I've sent another email to reiterate that the court order is for our child, not against me and to not contact me, other than in relation to our child but I got abuse, again.

Surely my child deserves better than this? He's already cutting a half hour off the time granted in the order on a Friday when he should be picking him up and now he's saying he's cutting anothe

LawAndParents Editor 29/06/2015 at 11:14 am

@Mehta. This can only really be done via the courts and an injunction or prohibited steps order. It could be an ordeal for you both, so do not enter this lightly.

Mehta 22/06/2015 at 10:54 pm

I have a 10 year old boy - I am the father and he lives with me and my new wife and has always done so

There is a court order in place - my ex wife has every other weekend, tue/thur calls and half of all holidays - my son has not seen her for the last 5 years. She now only calls on Thursdays ( inconsistent) my son has made it abundantly clear that he no longer wants any contact but she doesn't listen. She is paranoid schizophrenic and has been sectioned under the mental health act. She turns up to school events and it upsets my son ( I've dealt with night terrors etc) my son is in a real happy place - he calls my wife 'mum ' freely not because he was forced to. He also has a new little sister 3 whom he thinks the world of. I've spent £300k to fight for my son/cafcass/ etc and the strain it put me and my son through don't want to go through this all again. My ex has never paid any maintainence let alone a birthday gift ( not bothered about this - my son is happy is all I care for)
My son wants her out of his life - how do I go about helping him? Thanks

LawAndParents Editor 01/06/2015 at 10:35 am

@jane33. You can request that he doesn't take your daughter then and see if he complies. If not and you feel strongly, you could apply to the courts for a prohibitive steps order.

jane33 29/05/2015 at 10:24 am

I split with my ex husband 5 years ago as he was having an affair ,he's now split with this woman & family for the same reason but this latest woman has a daughter that self harm's & we have s daughter together aged 11 that I've asked him not to take to the new woman s ,he's not living with this latest family so can I stop him from taking our daughter there ????

mama68 22/05/2015 at 11:12 am

Please can someone give me urgent advice.we are guardians of our 5 yr old grandson following a very costly 15,000 2 yr court battle with his parents. This involved child protection team following serious neglect and our son who is the dad to our grandson was taking &dealing drugs.....we had no idea this was going on and we had lots of trust in our son...to takecare of his child the same way he was raised..loved,drugfree,happy caring family.
At the Final hearing atcourt NEITHER parents turned up???? Why?? Because they dont want the child they just wanted to financially ruin us and this was said by our son in front of all our solicitors and social worker that "he will just keep taking us to court wasting our money"..appauling behaviour and we have not had any cards for xmas birthday easter or presents from our son for his child. Now he is wanting us to attend mediation which we've nndeclined because our grandson remembers the abuse that BOTH parents have inflicted on him...hitting him on the head,thrown shoes and hurt his head then his mother said "i will clean you now "?? Had he bled? He had 2 blackeyes on 2occasions but i believed what i was told had hwppened as i TRUSTED our son...what a fool i was!!
We have spoken openly to our grandson and he is addament he does NOT want to see either parents...i have NEVER influenced his thoughts i would never use him as a weapon..but during court 2 yr ago he had to have parental contact and this left him afraid begging me not to take him to see his parentsand aftercontact he always wet himself and had terror nightmares that he would wake up every night screaming for me!!
Can a 5 yr old have his wishes and voice heard at court?i know cafcass would be involved.We need our son to leave his child alone.He is a clever happy child but he is very sensitive and he does NOT need to be put under undue stress just so his dad can keep wasting government money on legal aid..just to cause upset to us...this is all he wants to do...upset us ALL.
How many times are people like our son allowed to repeatedlyuse legal aid to fund his spiteful nasty ways??
Sensible advice please thanks

LawAndParents Editor 12/05/2015 at 10:20 am

@rach. Your son can apply to the courts for increased contact or residency. The court form to use is C100 . The courts will look at all the circumstances and make a decision based on the best interests of your granddaughter.

rach 05/05/2015 at 4:03 pm

My sons ex partner has full control over when my son sees his daughter she changes it weekly he basically has after school she stays the night then bk to her mam by nine the next morning he starts work at 7 so his partner gets her ready and I take her home that's for two nights if she's off school her mam still won't let her come early he then has her Friday and takes her home first thing sat now it sounds a lot but it's not quality as she's only 3 so gos to bed early her mams mother has her more than my son she will never agree to what he wants just what suits her how can he get equal rights to her thank you

Angela 03/05/2015 at 10:56 am

My ex took me to court for contact. Part of the contact order is an undertaking stating my son must complete his homework to a reasonable standard. Every time he goes to dads The homework is either poorly written or not done at all. As a result my son attends homework club on a Friday to try and resolve this issue. Because he gets to dad 5 or 10 min late dad returns him late all the time. I addressed the homework issue with him before and he refuses to do what he's supposed to do. There are also a number of other irresponsible parenting issues for example walking home with my son at 3am in the morning from a party. Can I take him back to court for breaching the order?

LawAndParents Editor 30/04/2015 at 11:20 am

@helen. You'd really need to go back to court to get this changed, unless you can come to an amicable agreement with your ex.

helen 24/04/2015 at 8:52 pm

My ex partner has custody of our son and I he has a residence order in place, can it be changed without going back to court, really need some advice

LawAndParents Editor 29/04/2015 at 11:16 am

@DADDYDDOTT. An adoption usually means there is no further contact with the children's natural parent(s) but as we do not have all the details of your case, you should check this with the courts.

DADDYDDOTT 23/04/2015 at 8:27 pm

the court has ordered than my son is to be adopted and i did a revoke on change of circumstances and won have another court date i still have parental responsability does this mean i have the right to ask for contact its his first birthday next month?? i had last contact to say good by on the 26th of feb but really want to see my son for his birthday where do i stand??? need help

LawAndParents Editor 24/04/2015 at 2:07 pm

@mell/ You can get your name added to the birth certificate by making an application to the court with a Statutory Declaration of Parentage. If you want contact you may have to make arrangements to visit/collect the child via a third party due to the police order.

mell 21/04/2015 at 10:33 pm

Hi i split with my ex girlfriend when she was 4 months pregnant we was still speaking over phone but things got heated and she had police give me a warning so i cant speak to her and she moved away 130 miles away and she cut all contact with me so i ain't on birth certificate but what rights do i have and what's best way to go about seeing my childm

Lara 31/03/2015 at 8:44 pm

My ex partner abused me physically and mentally, he punched my baby girl in the face. His family have tormented me threatened to take hDr away from me I was terrified to go out or have a life got dragged through courts he didn't turn up half the time I got granted a no contact order against him and non molestation order but .. He appealed to the high court and got the contact order over turned! And gets to c her every 2 week's in a centre. He's just stopped coming because my child was sick.. So what is the point of courts if they just get there ways.. There's no protection for victims of domestic abuse my child is in danger if he ever takes her but court thinks they no what's best for her! They didn't live through the abuse or see how my child was treated! Not saying all men are like that I have another child now to a lovely guy who j trust a million percent with my children and if we broke up I wouldn't need to go to court..

taffy 20/01/2015 at 9:23 am

Is their anyone out their fight to appeal against children in care only voluntary foster care son has ADHD is 10 and brother is the same age and have the mental age of5 and also sister in nearly four and has downsynome and they are saying about adoption

keir 14/11/2014 at 4:28 pm

hello, i have had 10 years of my x wife using my son as a weapon , she let me see him regularly even though she would make it very difficult to do , she would make sure i could only have him after i said i was working , ( i started telling her i was working when i wasn't just so she would choose that day to be the only one he had free . since legal aid has stopped being given out in cases such as mine she hasn't let me see him , i am at the end of my tether , i want to see my son but she just wont let me see him. oi am now studying for a degree and money is tight , so i cant afford to go through court , its breaking my heart not seeing my son who is now 10 , can anyone help , what can i do

LawAndParents Editor 28/10/2014 at 12:00 pm

@GForce. Stay strong and do what you can to be able to see your son. Do you have a trusted friend or family member who will support you? You probably will have to go through the courts again though unfortunately.

stevieGsooofit 11/06/2014 at 10:23 am

Boz - did you challenge the move at the time? Have you taken any steps to trace them? If you have parental responsibility you could try court/legal action. Surnames should not have been changed & the move should not have taken place without your consent if you have PR. It's difficult to enforce any kind of laws once someone has moved out of this country but it's worth a try. good luck

Boz 10/06/2014 at 3:36 pm

I think my ex wife has taken my kids abroad and changed their surnames. Where's the justice for fathers?

Rimmer 30/05/2013 at 6:56 am

Hi what are the visiting rights as being separated I want to see my children every weekend but have been told that I can only see them every other week end without going to court as I am on low pay this is not a good option for me can you help thanks

Me 09/05/2013 at 10:39 am

Hi
I have gone through a year of court to finally get a contact
Order , I get contact every other weekend.
My new job is every other weekend off so I thought that was ok but
My employer has me down for the opposite weekend
Which means if I work the weekends they want me to I can't see my children.
My question is
Do employers have to abide by a court order ensuring
I get the correct weekend off.
I'm not asking for extra time off - I'm asking if they have to
Ensure I am off on the correct weekends due to my child care / court order
Commitments
Thanks

dani 18/02/2013 at 11:53 am

iam the mother f my 7yr old daughter, i suffer from mental health issues due to the stress of the relationship with her father at the time of been together, he moved out in feb 2011, and took my daughter to live with his mum in a overcrowded house and social services by passed all this and i didnt get to see or speak to my girl untill courts issued a ontact order wich gave me 6hrs every sat and that has now been extended to every 2weeks two night stays and half of holiday times, i have issues as my daughter crys everytime she has to leave mine and beggs me not to send her back to her father, i feel so helpless, she also has been confirmed to have 7 decayed teeth due to poor diet and 9 verukas on her feet, this is a major concern for my daughters health and well being, i feel now i am in a healthy state of mind and been of all medication since her dad has left and iam now settled on my own in the house he left in a tip, i feel my daughter will be better off here and it is what she wants too, how do i need to go about trying to persuade courts this decission is for the best interest of my daughter???? my daughter seems happy at school and no concerns to them have been arrised? help needed on next steps to take ?x

nick 08/11/2012 at 8:31 pm

Hi my partner and have been summoned to court tomorrow to sort access between my partners son and his dad but his dad but i have just been told that he has canceled today due to being arrested a few days ago. Can he do that ? as it has cost me £240 to get a solisitor so not to pleased.

azz 11/09/2012 at 11:09 pm

Hi my left my town with my children nearly two years ago,and I have a court order which stated I have my kids every two weeks. I have no idea where she has taken them,this has caused me so much distress. Does anyone know what I can do

The-good-bee 10/08/2012 at 2:39 pm

My brothers ex wife divorced him and soon after declared her undying love for her best friends husband! She applied to leave the jurisdiction of E&W after a lengthy court battle, she was able to leave at the end of the school academic leave, to live with her current partner in Paris. A contact order is in place but 24 hrs before the agreed July 2week holidays, she emailed saying that she wasn't going to "allow him" to have the children in the agreed July and two weeks in Aug! But he could see them for the planned September weekend! She cited the abuse he put the children through, but clearly all contact would be stopped if there truly was any abuse! An enforcement order was applied of, after some dilly dallying with the court, almost ONE MONTH LATER, they had a hearing date set. She did not turn up, but the judge at this point said that since they resided in France, he had to go to the French courts! The contact order was made in Uk courts, the children are british citizens and nearly all legal info seems to point to the judge being wrong! Any advice PLEASE...

BTW the children will not have seen their father for over 90 days IF she still allows the sept visit to go ahead!

sazbbb 13/07/2012 at 10:32 am

"My ex went off and registered my son so my name is not on his birth certificate. I. Now have a residency order and he lives with me full-time and would like my name added but my ex is bitter and will not cooperate what can I do? "

Hi Jammie, I can help as my partner has just gone through adding his name, with an uncooperative ex. If you have a Parental Responsibility order/agreement in place (which I'm guessing you do as you have a Residency Order?), then you can add your name to the BC without your ex's permission. You can ring your local authority that deals with birth/death/marriage certificates - General Registrars Office - and they will direct you to fill out an application for re-registration. Along with this completed form you'll need to send them a copy of the order that states you have PR and a copy of your son's original birth certificate (which, if you don't have the original, can be ordered online for £10 and will take 2-3 weeks to come through by post). When the Registrar General has authorised the paperwork you will be given an appointment to sign the new BC. The whole process should take about 2 months, although it took my partner 4 as they lost the paperwork first time round! You may be told by some that you can't re-register without both parents permission (as we were) this is rubbish as there is a section on the application regarding uncooperating parents and PR. Just keep pointing this out. Unfortunately you will have to pay for one copy of the new certificate for you PLUS any other person with PR (i.e. your ex), between £4 - £10 each depending on how old your son is. Good Luck!

Anonymous1 11/06/2012 at 3:49 am

My ex only goes to court if i dont agree on what HE wants. and in the end, he gets what he wants regardless how it effects our child.
I'm really angry as going back to court as he wants his own way again. Hes not thinking of whats best for our son, but only whats best for himself.

My ex isn't even in the country. He doesn't call his son, and randomly contacts me with a text after months of not seeing or speaking to our son, then expects to have him how he wants.

Even his parents have an order yet they dont even speak to their grand child!!! They expect to have my son over night and expect me to chase them to make sure they have contact.

There is no regular contact with either family, and because of my ex's job, there never will be.

Even when the first court order was put in place, i had a stupid representative who didn't know anything about what was going on as my solicitor at the time couldn't make it. i was unfairly ignored about how my son was getting effected. and now i have to represent myself after all i get is abuse and how thick i am, from my ex who is trying to scare me.

I think the court thing is totally unfair. And my ex is using 'fathers rights' to his own advantage. My son is 3 turning 4 soon. And all his life since 7 months old, he's been passed pillow to post and theres nothing i can do about it cos Mother doesn't know anything...

jammie 15/05/2012 at 8:57 am

My ex went off and registered my son so my name is not on his birth certificate. I. Now have a residency order and he lives with me full-time and would like my name added but my ex is bitter and will not cooperate what can I do?

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