I hope you can help. My sister left the father of her children a couple of years ago and married another man. Her oldest child, my niece, is having an awful time as her step father will not accept her and seems to want to do nothing but make her life a misery and it is ruining her self confidence.
She would rather live with her father and although my sister, her mum, got residency, I don't think she would object to her living with him. I wondered whether she had any say now she is 15? If not, what happens when she is 16? Can she choose to live with her father even if her mum says no? I hope you answer this so I can try and help a very unhappy child.
This is a very sad situation, although there is light at the end of the tunnel. You have stated that your sister got residency so I presume that there was a Residence Order put in place when your sister separated from the father of this child. Just in case, I have also outlined the situation if there was no such residence order.
Residence Orders – If Everyone Agrees
If this is the case, then a residence order should be adhered to, although if everyone involved consents to your niece going to live with her father, there may be no need to go back to court. Your niece can simply live with her father with everyone’s blessing by way of an informal arrangement.
Residence Orders – If Everyone Does Not Agree
If your sister decides that she’s not happy for your niece to live with her father, it may be that the matter should be referred back to the family courts in order to have the residence order amended. In such a situation (when the parents cannot agree) it is important to return to court, because if one party merely acts without the consent of the other party and without court intervention, not only could the other party threaten legal action but they would also be in contempt of court.
If your niece’s biological father applies for a residence order, he will have parental responsibility until your niece reaches 18 (it’s only 16 if the mother has parental responsibility). When your niece reaches 16, she will be able to decide where she lives in any event.
Check your legal rights as a parent on education, health and welfare decisions.
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If there is no residence order in place in terms of your niece, there should not be a problem. If both your sister and your niece’s father agree about where your niece should live, she can simply go and stay there. If your sister is not happy about your niece living with her father, her father can go to court to apply for a residence order. If such an order is granted, it will automatically give him parental responsibility.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
Timing
Given that your niece is already 15 years old, it’s important to bear in mind that the process of obtaining a residence order can take between six months and a year. Your niece can also apply for a residence order herself, but will have to ask permission from the court (called ‘leave’) to do so.
The Court’s Decision
In deciding whether or not to grant a residence order the court always considers the welfare of the child first. They will also look at your niece’s specific needs: physical, emotional and educational, as well as her age, background and the effect the change in circumstances will have. Also, they will look at how capable her father is of looking after her, and very importantly any harm the child has suffered, or may suffer in the future.
I hope this helps you to understand the situation better as regards your niece, and I hope it is something that can be resolved to everyone's satisfaction as soon as possible.
My daughter is 14 was coming with me but changed her mind the last minute and decided she wanted to stay with her friends and boyfriend so stayed with her dad.
I’ve been worried about her she been drinking alcohol most weekend and smoking drugs at her friends house. Her dad knows this but does nothing good about it.
She practically does what she wants.
Last night she got took home by the police for being drunk. In front of the police he grabbed her by her hair and pushed her up the stairs.
Police went up there after and asked if she wanted to talk about it but she said no.
Tonight she called me crying that he grabbed her by the collarbone and threatened that she was being sent to live with me ( which she doesn’t want to as her friends are down south,) she is so upset. I really worried about her what can I do to make her safe? I was under the impression she can choose where she lives is this true? She would be better taken care of being with me her mum.
Her dad is addicted to prescription meds and an alcoholic I’m worried he’s going to do something bad to her one day. Please help !
he is adamant that my daughter is happy with the move but she is telling me she wants to stay with me. I have been advised to apply for a prohibited steps order but have to attend mediation first and he is refusing, although he is happy to meet personally to discuss the matter, no doubt he thinks he will be able to intimidate me. they are apparently moving at Christmas so time is running out.
My son is 5 nearly 6. His mum has always had majority custody of him. He has been saying that he wants to live with me since he was 3. Over the past year he has started developing speech issues due to nerves around his mum. This is most noticeable in the form of stuttering and double emphasising the end of his words. He recently told his mum he hates her and doesn't like her. Today following their conversation she's cut our agreement of half school holidays down to seeing each other to four days. He told me it's because she fibs, she doesn't care about how he feels, she's really mean when she drinks and when he made a bad choice at school he couldn't stop crying when he got home but was trying to be really quite because he was scared that mummy would hear and go crazy. He understands what a lie is and can explain how he feels and the reasons why he feels the way he dose. Given these circumstances would the court listen to him or would the court say he's too young and force him to live with her until he becomes a teenager?
There is no court order on place but I don't want to do anything that can land me in trouble any advice would be appreciated
My dad would love for them to li e with him but do t know what to do?
HELP!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Thanks
Si
He is not happy at the school she has sent him to, he knows the schools where I live are of a much higher standard especially for children with autism/aspergers. He is a very sensitive boy and all the upsets are not helping him.
My daughter and I had an argument where she has left the house and gone to live with her dad and is refusing to communicate with me.
My ex husband has contacted a solicitor and sent me several messages that she does not wish to live with me any more.
She has been gone for 6 weeks but texted my partner to say she misses me and has sent me a mother’s day card.
I have asked her father to go back to court to amend the contact court order if she wishes to reside with him.
Please can you advise of my rights
Kind regards
But her mum is putting pressure on her to stay with her by offering her gifts and faults promises.also my other son as said he wants to live with me and she is doing the same to him yesterday she offers him a new iPhone if he stays with her the kids are always at mine the cum from school to mine the sleep at least 3 /4 nights a week am on benifts and so is she but my son get pip which she uses to go away every 6 weeks while I ave the kids
Me and my ex split up a year ago, we have two children and she’s stopping me seeing them because I’ve got with another woman.
I’ve tried my best to be reasonable but my ex is not cooperating. She’s got her family members to beat me up, she’s hit me in front of the children on many accounts and never picks them up on time! My daughter is 5 and said she wants to live with me, she was hiding behind the door when her mother came to pick her up.. what Can I do so I can have my two kids living with me?
Thanks kez
Myself and the children left our family home, of 16 years, as the house was solely in my ex’s name. We made private contact and maintenance arrangements.
The children have all a different view of the time spent with my ex. One refuses to see him, understandably but I endeavour to encourage contact. One would like more time but has been refused it by my ex. One was indifferent, has maintained contact up until recently when he has been pushed away in various ways and one (eldest, 16) who has, for reasons I have opinions on but won’t verbalise, seemingly become the favourite and is staying there increasingly often, much of the time, alone for several days.
Before we left the family home, my ex partner seemed to spend much more time than ever before, with our eldest. During this time I became aware that my eldest child was distancing himself from me, was displaying hostility towards me and increasingly to his siblings.
I did not react to the distance but obviously have not tolerated any disrespect from him and have continued to parent all four children in the same manner I always have.
The situation with my eldest is deteriorating rapidly, to the point where he became mildly physically violent towards me a few days ago. For the whole family’s benefit I insisted he leave the house and go to stay with his father.
I informed my ex about the behaviour.
It fell on deaf earls and it seems that he has condoned it, made excuse for my son instead and gives the boy reason to feel justified in his actions.
My ex now informs me that My son wishes to live with him, will claim any money he’s entitled to and will reduce his maintain payment.
Although at this time I do think his staying there is for the best, we as parents, haven’t discussed the incident or our Son being there on a permanent basis. I have not agreed to it as the only parent with PR and nor do o consider it to be in my child’s long term best interest.
My question is, at 16, can my son chose this fir himself? If he is alone much of the time etc?
Many thanks
I am in the exact same position as you. Our son is being emotionally abused by his father. He tells
Him all sorts of lies as to why he can't see or stay with his mom. We have no residency order in place. If you get any replies, please let me know, thank you
He is distraught and is threatening to self harm - the social worker assigned to his case has done nothing to reiterate his concerns and has disguised his concerns as "emotional harm from mother" despite my child raising concerns to me in front of her about his father stealing and selling "white stuff" - My son told me he seen texts between his social worker and his father and that they were "together" and also that they were "making a plan to trick you mummy" he is 8 and a very bright bunny. What can I do as I have been stopped from seeing him because he always tells me he wants to come home. This is parental alienation what can I do?
In June 2015 my ex was caught for a second time drink driving with my son in the car. She was banned for 40 months this time. Social services were again involved but they have now closed the case again as she has been dry for almost 12 months.
Now that my son has asked this I wonder if I should apply for residency again? Would the court take account of the ongoing risk to him by her drinking again and would my Son's views be taken into account. He would be moving to another town, new school, etc, but he seems very sure that he wants this.
What advice do you suggest.
Thanks.
PD
Can I legally decide which parent I live with?
(I am 16)
My marriage of 7 years had broken down in March 2012 and wife left taken 2 children with her, these being my biological son & my wife at the time stepdaughter, aged 12. There was no physical violence although wife claimed emotionally abuse and controlling behaviour, all of which was unfounded and supported by no evidence. In fact, had 2 years worth of text message history that contradicted all these claims. My ex went to great lengths to keep my son out of my life and refused any contact and had t wait 4 months for the enxt hearing before even speaking with my son. Then after that, only 2 hour supervised contact in a local ymca, this now being 210 miles away from my home address, as my ex moved away purely to make things difficult for me and for that matter, her daughters biological father, who also lived near me.
It took 18 months for the courts to grant me every 3rd weekend and half all holidays with a resident order and I’ve had to do all the travelling to make this work, this being 16 hours, 840 miles, £160 petrol from picking my son up from school on Friday to dropping him back to ymca drop off point on the Sunday.
The courts have asked for C7 report to assess my sons wishes & feelings, in which he has stated many times ‘that he really wants to live with his dad’ but also mentioned once, ‘that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if he wan’t allowed’ . He has since put in text message that he ‘hates the secondary school he’s been selected for and cannot wait to move down’. My son is above average in his class and is mentally mature/developed for his age, so surely at his age the court must listen and act? Also, if not, when and why? What about the travel not being split or telephone conversations not permitted, even on birthdays & Christmas? What can I ask for and what is the next step if I get refused by the courts, despite my son’s wishes?
Thank you
Thanks in advance
My mother and father split 10 years ago. My father moved abroad and so had to relinquish all his parental rights. My mother and step father raised my younger brother -11 years old-. The rest of my family, me included feel they are not caring for him properly. His clothes are hand me downs of my step fathers. My mam is constantly lying about going to work although she is unemployed - just to keep her husband happy- its christmas eve and we had to give her money to bit him presents as she didn't have any however she still buys herself and her partner alcohol every weekend. Any money my dad sends mysteriously disappears. We are sick of my brother being second best. My grandparent want to take custody of him, they only live along the street so there wouldn't have to be a change of schools or any major upheavel. Do they have any rights? And want can they - if anything- do?
any advice or information would be very helpful and appreciated, thanks
My husbands 17yr old daughter from a previous marriage has recently moved in with us full-time. There is a joint custody agreement in place but up until now my husband received weekend visits and school holidays.
She has registered for school over here and I wondered if there is anybody we legally need to notify as his daughter is now with us full-time?
FYI - We have stopped paying the weekly ,maintenance since she moved in with us but her mother was in receipt of housing and child benefits and is still claiming. Are we legally obliged to alert them to the change of his daughters residency?
Thanks to anyone that can offer some advice.
She threatens to take both children back to Ireland where she is from, which is why he stays as he is petrified he'll never see his children. He believes Irish law will take hold and he'll have no rights. He's being held to ransom in a house he pays for and an ex partner and children he pays everything for. She has never worked, paid taxes and has a history of alcohol abuse and theft. I want to help him understand his rights and options. Can anyone help?
I have a 9 year old daughter and a 2 and a half year son. The court decided that the kids should stay with her mum and I get the kids every other weekend.
However my daughter is unhappy and she told me she wants to live with me and not her mum. Even my son does not want to go back to his mum. when I drop him off he grabs a hold of me, cries and shouts no dad.....not mum.. dads home.... its breaking my heart..seeing as neither if the kids want to stay with their mother yet she cries a few crocodile tears and the courts believe her... shes aways out....going to beauty parlours, parties etc..and my kids are neglected.
am I able to go back to court, especially as my daughter does not want to live with her mother?
My partner and his ex split when their son was 2 yrs old and eventually divorced a couple of yrs later. their son is now nearly 10 yrs old. He has always lived 50 / 50 with each parent, at first it was swapping every couple of days and more recently it is week on week off. however, their son has become increasingly reluctant to go back to his mums over the past few years and the night before he swaps over he gets very sad and anxious. she is a very volatile woman and constantly shouts at him, we have witnesses to say she doesn't treat him very well, not in a neglectful way but emotionally. she emotionally blackmails him and constantly shouts at him and calls him names, as he has grown up he has started to open up more about what goes on there, he says he loves his mum but he doesn't want to live with her any more. she knows nothing of what he tells us, he is scared to confront her and we feel that if he was to confront her she would blame us, saying we had been putting ideas in his head. which of course is not true, she has been very volatile with us in the past and is constantly throwing the "I'm his mother I can stop him seeing you if I want" card at us. is there anything we can do? obviously as a mum myself i feel like he does still need to see his mum! but he is really unhappy. there is currently no residence order in place it is all through verbal agreement.
What should I do? Can I go live with my dad or do I need a court order saying I can?
Thank you!
I have a daughter who is 11 in a few weeks, her father and I slpit up when she was 6 months old.
I have full custody of her and she sees him every other weekend.
My husband has brought my daughter up from 9mnths and we have two other children together. Recently we have talked about emigrating to Australia, we both have family out there and feel we as a family would thrive there.
My ex is not aware of this but would not sign any consent form for us to do this. Am I right in thinking that once my daughter turns 16 we can go without his consent? She has made it very aware to us that she wants to go when she is 16, and we spoke about holidays back to see her dad and other family.
She's now told him she doesn't want to go there but it was hard as she's scared of him, he actually hung up on her! Does anyone know where I stand on this legally? If she doesn't want to go then I don't want to force her, I think she's old enough now to realise the little input he's had in her life so far. We're also planning on emigrating to Australia in a couple of years which my ex has previously supported. I would never have considered this if he'd been a positive force in her life. He's now threatening to try to stop us but am I right in thinking my daughter can decide on if she wants to come when she's 12? I'm so tired of trying to keep their relationship going, he won't admit that any of this is his fault & just blames me for leaving him 9 years ago!
??? dont know what to do
I am about 2 hearings From Final Hearing?
As my daughter is 16 I am under the impression she is able to choose who she wants to stay/live with. Is this true or is this just a myth........a concerned father.
Anyway last week I had surgery and my son was due for a contact visit for the weekend at his fathers and was due to be returned on sunday as usual however, on saturday I received a solicitors letter stating that my son was not going to be brought home and that he was now going to live with his father...this was not discussed or agreed in anyway. I have been advised eventhough I have full residency the judge will only listen to my sons wishes and that it makes no odds whether or not his fathers house is the best place for him emotionally or anything else. I am so worried as all I can see is this ending in disaster as he is allowed to run riot and has no parental guidance. Hes already been in trouble with the police fir making threatening calls this week ... I am thinking of applying myself to the court for an emergency order to have my son returned and throwing myself at thr mercy of the judge but I am allowed to do this and also do I have any hope of getting anywhere if i do get in front if the judge... Thanking you in advance for your help but I am desperately worried Louise
I have 2 children by my 1st marriage which failed in 2004 - 14yrs and 10 yrs. I have custody/residence of both children and have had so since 2007.
I remarried in 2008 and everyting was fine. Over the past 3 years my current wife has been very difficult with my son who is now 14. It reached breaking point 18 months ago when I threatened to walk out of her life unless she behaved more reasonably with my son.
Things seemed to calm down but only for a week or 2. My son was obvioulsy not happy and I was really concerned for him. If I tried to raise the subject my wife would get all agressive and then we would end up arguing. She would accuse me of taking his side and not hers. My 10 year old daughter didn't get involved.
Now after taking this for 3 years I have decided enough is enough. My son is on the verge of a breakdown and I have decided to move out of the house taking the children (who are mine and who I have a court order for) and moving to a rented house. My son is really happy about this but my 10 year old wants to live with her step mum.
I have now moved out, my 14 year old son is with me yet my 10 year old daughter remains with her step mum. I am playing it cool as I do not want to be seen as the aggresive father who just turns up at the house and takes her away (god I feel like doing that though). This must sound ridiculous to many of you but I really don't know what to do.
What I really want to know is what are my rights as the biological father?
Can I demand that she comes with me?
Do I have to go back to court to have the order enforced?
Her biological mother is not happy with this arrangement either, and does not approve of her daughter living with her step mum.
Any advice or help would be appreciated.
Now we are being threatened with court.My son no longer wishes to speak to his mother. He is in a panic now though as he thinks someone is going to come and make him go back to his mother.
As I have said he is 15. can he be forced to return without his wishes and feeling FIRST being considered? Also can he legally change school without his mothers consent? I hold parental responsibility. Please help!!
i want to take my dad to court and have either my mom or grandma get costudy, ive looked into getting emancipated but im unable to because i cant support myself and i dont have a job. im also scared to lose to him. if i lose im not sure where i will end up. someone told me i could end up in foster care. is that true??
please help me im kinda stuck on this. should i stay till im 18 and be unhappy or should i take my dad to court and risk it??
My initial plan was to steady my finances, as this divorce cost me a six figure sum, and then move to be near him. In the last year, I have applied for a dozen jobs (I am a teacher) but not got a single interview. I am beginning to realise that relocation is possibly not an option.
Six months ago I become involved with a woman and it looks like becoming long term. My son and girlfriend are fond of each other and he has suggested that he would like to come and live with us now. His mother would not agree to this and I know that I don't have a chance as he is only nine. However, I am financially sound and I can provide a good home for him. When would it be feasible to apply for custody and what is the procedure? I hasten to add that I would only do this if my son was definitely sure that he wanted to move.
My father is very unstable and lives a lifestyle i really don't want to live:
He has a male partner (wich is a thing that doesnt make me very confortable), he's vegetarian and makes me eat vegetarian wich i really don't want to either, he doesn't have alot of food in the house so i'm almost hungry there, he keeps inviting people he doesn't know from anywhere to his house when i'm also sleeping there and that makes me feel unsafe. He's very strange and get mad at me if i don't laugh when he enters in my room dancing and jumping in the morning while im getting dressed for school. I have some very bad memories from when i lived with him and its just a very complicated situation for me.
My mother is sometimes unstable too, but she has a calm nice clean house (my father lives in a place that is very discusting and he's sick with AIDS), i have my room with my things ( i dont have anything of my own at my fathers) i have my pets there too (my father doesnt allow me and threaten to let my bunny loose on the streets, and i dont mistreat my pets so he has no reason to do that) i don't know it's just a completely different envyronment from my fathers and i just love being here, it makes me feel much more confortable as a teenager girl who needs her things, her space, and her privacy.
I don't want to stop seeing my father, i have lunch with him sometimes and so, i just can't live with him, it makes me crazy, do you think there is a way for me to do this?
I live 340 miles away due to work and commute to them every 3 weeks or so. I want be moving to Cornwall until the New Year 2013. I want the children to live with me when i move to Cornwall. Is it advisable to wait until i move to Cornwall before applying for a residence order or is it worth persuing it now?
My daughters are 15,13 respective.
Thank you.
My daughter is 12 and lives with me but she goes to her dad every weekend. Lately she has been very moody at home and her dad has been telling her she can go live with him which i am gutted about as all I have ever done is be a good mother to her and my working hours are to suit her also. He has been interfering in her life at home too, asking if she is being looked after properly etc. I can't take much more. Now my daughter is telling me it is up to her who she stays with and if it goes to court her dad will win because she wants to stay there. Is this true ?
My younger half sister (13 years) who is currently living with her mum, is having a hard time at home due to her step father who seems to be mistreating her rather alot. Mostly Threats are made by him, if she has a bit of attitude towards her mother he threatens to 'smash her in the face' and soften puts his back hand and finger close to her face. he has once slapped her around the face but other than that it is just threats and bullying towards her.
she is in a very unstable way, Crying to her friends and to herself in her bedroom most nights. She has only just confronted me about what is happening at home and the way she is being treated.
And i want to take full constudy of her but im not sure were i stand with legal rights with only being her sister. And what age does a child have to be to decide where she wants to live.
Many thanks
Can you tell me what words are legally appropriate for this?
I will send an email to my ex solicitor asking for my file. The case finished in November last year.
I want all of the documents, they go back a few years.
Kind regards,
D K
I ama trying to find out at what age can a child choose to live with the other parent?
I am a step mum to two wonderful boys, although there isnt anything abusive or any neglect where they are now we truely think they will be better of with us.
We have them every weekend and every school holiday.
Although this sounds great we think that we have more to offer, due to where we live and the amount of time we can give them, even down to the fact that we do they homework, bath them every day, make them brush teeth, when with their mother they get bathed once is 5 days and dont brush their teeth and are always in clothes to small.
They both have said they would like to live here but we would not separate them.
Is there anything we can do? i know this sounds minor to some cases but we truely think this is the best option for them both and of course we would love them here.
Please help!!!!
Me and my partner have been together a year, were living together and engaged. Between us we have 3 boys. Mine who is 5 and who's dad hasnt had anything to do with him since before he was born adn isnt on the birth certificate, and his 2 from his previous marriage but who live with us.
I just wondered when my partner legally gains parental rights/ gaurdianship of my son?
I have a 16 year old son who was 'lured' to Canada to live with his Dad. I live in UK with my partner(not the biological father). I have pleaded with my estranged husband to send my son for 10 days on holiday (I haven't seen him in 18 months) and he refuses to send him. What can I do legally -because I am desperate to see my son and connect with him once again. My son has Dyspraxia and has the mental age of a much younger age (13-14).
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