I have a residence order for my grandson. His mother has a severe personality disorder, his father has behaviour problems and ADHD, they have moved into the area where I live and want access to their son.
I do not have a problem with that, but what if they want to take him out, or want him to stay over with them.
They cannot look after themselves, they do not wash themselves or clean their home. Social services have been involved with them for a long time.
I have parental responsibility, as does the mother, but what rights do I have with regards to my grandson?
(Mrs J.A, 20 October 2008)
Parental responsibility is a legal concept derived from the Children Act 1989. Somebody with parental responsibility for a child has a legal duty to care for that child and the right to be involved in decisions concerning the child. There are a number of ways in which an individual may acquire parental responsibility. The birth mother of a child automatically acquires Parental Responsibility – the unmarried father of a child does not.
You say that you have parental responsibility through a Residence Order. There are several ways that a grandparent may acquire parental responsibility:
Parental responsibility order – this simply attributes parental responsibility to an individual giving them a say in decisions about the child’s welfare.
Residence order – this is when a court decides where a child will live. The persons named in the order, with whom the child is to live, will automatically acquire parental responsibility.
Special guardianship order – this is where an individual gains more substantial rights and responsibilities towards a child, the effect of such an order is somewhere between a residence order and an adoption order.
Had you adopted your grandson, his mother would no longer have parental responsibility. As a grandparent, who is naturally concerned about the ability of your grandson’s mother to take care of him, you may wish to consider Obtaining A Special Guardianship Order. This would give you greater rights to decide what is best for your grandson to the exclusion of his mother’s rights.
You express concern about what would happen if your grandson’s mother, or father, wanted to take him out or have him stay with them at their home. As a person with parental responsibility, you have not only the right but the legal duty to make decisions which are in that child’s best interest. If your grandson’s parents are indeed incapable of looking after themselves, you may conclude that your grandson could or would come to harm if left in their sole care. As a person with parental responsibility you could, therefore, refuse to allow this to happen.
The difficulty would arise if your grandson’s mother insisted that her son should stay with her. If two people with parental responsibility cannot agree on an issue concerning the child, they may ultimately have to apply to the court for an order resolving the disagreement. For example, you may ask the court to order that your grandson may only be at his parents’ house when another adult is present. Whenever the courts make a decision concerning the welfare of a child, the overriding consideration will always be the child’s welfare.
I'm going to make this as simple as possible. My grandchildren live with my daughter. Their dad collects them every other Friday and brings them back Sunday.
But he is claiming he has them the required time so as not to pay Csa. But here are the queries
He has deliberately reduced his hours since CSA got involved. However, the job he does I suspect he does at least 30 hours a week over 3 nights - so by my calculations he would still need to pay something.
Secondly, he collects the boys and they stay with their grandad over night, mostly the friday and Saturday but occasionally only the one night - does this still count towards the number of nights the dad has them for CSA payments to be reduced?
Finally, their dad claims that because he collects them and brings them home (travelling from Newcastle to leeds) he feels he shouldn't have to pay anything. Again. The maximum this will be costing him is £20 in fuel. (originally my daughter was meeting him halfway but due to him not sending any money she stopped meeting him) not to mention that he lost his licence due to drink driving and hasn't admitted it to us yet. (his sister collects the kids)
So where do we stand? Cos he is trying every trick in the book not to pay anything.
Also when the boys stay at their grandads they share a single bed which at 5 and 7 I'm assuming there is nothing we can do - or on the odd occasion they do stay at their dad's all three of them are in a double bed which again I'm assuming isn't an issue) The dad lives with his sister so only pays board there too.
Salvan - 23-Jun-23 @ 12:14 PM
My story is very long but I will try to summarize the question I intend to ask.
I have a 15 year old son and I want to move him out of my house due to the serious problems he has caused me and my other two children. One is 8 years old who has autism and the other is 5 years old.
Evidence indicates that my 15-year-old son is involved in a dangerous gang.
At this moment, all entities (school, social worker, police) are involved and within the matter, but they all say they can't do anything against him because they have no evidence and he hasn't committed any crime.
Since September, he has been suspended from school more than 10 times.
he was already caught with prohibited materials at school
he already bought a precision scale
he already showed up with £50 at school a and never said where the money came from
he's been coming home most days very late, 11pm, 12pm, 1am, 2am. he often comes home smelling of drugs. I'm pretty sure he smokes dope.
there are days that he doesn't sleep at home
I've been calling the police almost every day to report his disappearance.
I'm already very exhausted. Right now I'm having a lot of health problems because of all this. this week I had a facial paralysis due to nerves. I'm in despair, help me. I don't want him here anymore, he's killing me little by little.
Yesterday he was caught at the train station with a knife and held from 12am until 2pm when the police brought him home. He will have to appear in court on the 28th of July.
I feel that the law allows him to do everything and I and my other two children are his hostages.
I feel like a prisoner at home. I had a trip to Portugal scheduled to renew my passport because the embassy of Portugal is not dealing with it here, but apparently I won't be able to go, all because this son of mine refuses to stay with the person who will stay with the other two my sons.
my two questions are
1-Can I put him out of my house? If I put him out of my house, do I run the risk of losing my other two children as well?
2-Can I travel and leave him here alone considering that he refuses to stay / at the house of the person I arranged to stay with the three of them?
3- What should I do so that I don't get hurt in these 2 situations?
Sapo - 1-Jul-22 @ 2:01 AM
So grateful to find this page. My daughter moved to 270 miles away after meeting a guy on line, my granddhild was under child services and classed as 'a child in need'but this is no longer in place and I am worried because I know she played th system to get her off her back but things are still not right ...I travel to see my grandchild each month although my daughter can make it difficult at times, I will never give up, we have a wonderful time together and AR wants to see me. I know she is regularly late for school and that she has been having time off and I want to speak to the school to ask them to report this back to CS but I'm frightened they will tell my daughter who will I'm sure stop me from seeing my Grandchild, who loves our time together, as of course I do. Although I did not report my daughter Ito CS Idid speak with them and the previous school about my concerns, but my trust was broken and now my daughter doesn't speak to me, but she is sick and in denial and I know AR is not looked after properly, I feel like there is nowhere to turn for help without my daughter finding out and that would jeopardise the beautiful relationship with my dear Grandchild, she has no one else and I just want to protect her. The system prevents people from speaking out, I just want the best for AR aged 5.
Hari - 28-Mar-22 @ 12:06 AM
Please I need help my grandson is 11 I've been in his life from the day he was born and he loves staying with me when his mum says put him in taxi send him home he gets anxiety and gets upset his mum is lazy and he does everything he said he's a slave and she also lives with a drug dealer I want to see my grandson happy not sad please help
Jo - 4-Apr-20 @ 3:14 PM
I have a 1 yr old grandson in foster care mum had a accident at home i am grandma trying to get sgo unfortunately not granted from local authorities now doing a pams assement it will be up to the judge to decide whether she will grant me i am working hard atm but local authorities want him to be adopted but obviously we want him to staywith the family
Smiley - 13-Nov-19 @ 12:37 AM
I have tried to bring up my 6 year old granddaughter whose mother is a heroin addict with my husband we have paternal rights my Marriage has broken down and divorce is imminent I am unable to bring up my granddaughter alone as I have no other family and health problems would I be able to be the wee ones gran if she had a foster mum
Leslee - 17-Oct-19 @ 3:24 AM
I have took no interest in the pregnancy of my child who is due on the 16th April. My ex partner asked me to attend a gender scan, not as she wanted to but because she was advised it may be a good idea to improve parental relationship. Of which first of all I asked her to prove she was pregnant and secondly said I was working when I knew I had booked tickets to go to London. I have lied so many times during the past few months and caused two people who I used to live with enormous upset, including a child who is currently having private tuition because of the impact I have caused. I then play victim to my family and friends all because I couldn’t be an adult and be honest because I claim it was protecting’ the girl who I said ‘isn’t my girlfriend and don’t know if it will go anywhere’ over protecting two people whom I lived with for over 3 years. I was also sleeping with my ex less than 2 weeks before taking someone out from work (or so I claim it was the first time) and she is equally as happy to be getting laid by someone who had penis elsewhere less than 2 weeks before and is more than happy that he has give up his rights to see his child. What I haven’t done is accounted for is that this will come back on my two fold next year if I do much as try to see my child which will get delayed and every bit of alcoholism and drugs dug up including twitter and Facebook posts. So I ask you, if I have remotely anything decent about me I should move as far away as possibly and get another crap call centre job elsewhere and take my skank with me. Please advise as I am struggling with this concept of how I should walk away quickly and have the decency to confirm I won’t be back so everyone can move on with their lives and friends on the estate don’t have to keep reporting back on what and who they see. And I can let a good man who owns a home, good job, can drive, good upbringing raise my child.
Victim101 - 14-Oct-19 @ 6:29 PM
Hi. My daughter was 18 when she got pregnant after a short fling. I was at the birth and baby n mum came home to us. She met a new man when my granddaughter was 14 months. Knew him a few weeks and fell pregnant. It turned out to be a molar pregnancy and my daughter was extremely ill. She got the all clear 8 months later and was told to wait at least a year to get pregnant again. She was pregnant within a month. Her son was born after a horrendous pregnancy with lots of issues. He has di George syndrome They all moved into her partners family farm in a caravan and the place is a tip to say the least. We’ve financed their lives pretty much from the get go and have had both kids every weekend and more. She has now got back in touch with her birth father after 22 years and has spirited the kids 409 miles away. No contact. No visitation with the kids nothing.I’m so hurt and betrayed and my heart is breaking. She has cut all her family out of her life in the blink of an eye.I’m worried as my granddaughter is being kept out of school now and my grandson isn’t getting to his appointment. I’m stuck. Any advice?
Nic - 12-Oct-19 @ 5:46 PM
We are great grandparents and have been careing for our great grandson with regular visits from his socialworker who is very happywith the situation my question is have we got the same kinship rights as grandparents
Alan - 6-Oct-19 @ 9:49 PM
I am the grandparent to my 3 1/2 year old grand daughter,
my son who is the father, usually stays with her at our home every second weekend,
we have her very weekend and sometimes for two and three weeks at a time as, her mother sometimes does not even contact us to find out how she is or ask for her to come home,
both parents were involved with social services when our grand daughter was born as they were in a volatile relationship and SS were going to remove the baby at birth because of concerns for the Childs safety,
we as the grandparents and social servicesand the parents agreed that the baby could remain with the parents on the grounds that they came and lived with us, we were vetted checked etc, and were deemed suitable, this was ok for a while but the relationship eventually broke down again due to arguing and fighting and we the grandparents could not allow it to go on so it was sent back to SS and the mother was sent to a mother and baby unit, we were not allowed to see our grand daughter for over a year, eventually we gradually started talking again and started to see the baby regularly again, hence we now haveher as above almost every weekend this has been the case for the last 2 years our grand daughter who is now 3 and a half and wants to stay with us and goes into a meltdown when its time for her to go home to her mums, our son had her last weekend for fathers day and was due to return her home on the Monday as was agreed with mum but the mum wanted her back on the Sunday to which our son refusedand told her he wasn't bringing her back till Monday,
this caused an almighty row and the mum stormed into our house as the front door was opened and attacked our son who had his daughter on his knelt the time, and was on the phone to the police to ask where he stood as in not taking the baby home earlier than agreed, both parents were arrested and we have found out there are serious concerns for the Childs welfare ie drugs , and violence at the mothers home with new boyfriends etc, also there are concerns from. her school, and the mum has said we are not to see her again can you tell us where we stand and what advice you could give us, as we are absolutely heartbroken at the thought of losing our grand daughter again through no fault of our own, what can we do, please help
linda - 22-Jun-19 @ 7:22 PM
I have a two and half year old granddaughter who,lives with her mum and half siblings. We have had her to stay with us every week for the past year as my son lives with us and has PR.
We have concerns about the care of her she with her mum as she is extremely volitile and is neglectful in her care of her and the siblings e.g. Doesn't get them to school poor diet, inconsistent care etc. We have involved SS but they didn't do anything. My son is applying for a child arrangements order for contact but can we as the grandparent apply for an SGO. My son doesn't feel he could provide the care she needs but we are in a position to do so. I am asking the question as yet again she has stopped contact over a really petty matter.
Shelley - 16-May-19 @ 11:24 PM
i am totally worried about my grandaughter who is now just an empty shell. her mother suffers from depression and has cut herself off from the family but does give me her daughter to look after most wkends. she has a new man again living with her,where he makes my grandchild stay in her room the whole time, she has no tv, laptop, entertainment , she is basically a prisoner in her bedroom bar being let out to go to school, because of her downward self confidence she is now bullied at school which is not being dealt with by her mother and therefore the school.. please i need help to help my grandaughter before she becomes another suicide statistic.
miss v - 7-May-19 @ 8:02 PM
My step grandson who i have had for 7 years has ask me to adopt him and he has ask his mum and she has said yes can I do it
Chip - 2-May-19 @ 7:50 PM
Hi I havecourtorder for my gran son he stay with me for 13 years now he to go to Spain with school can he go with my consenthis mother did when he was 4 can you tell me
Maureen - 25-Apr-19 @ 5:37 PM
I am fighting for residency of my grandson is there support
Amanda - 6-Mar-19 @ 2:46 AM
My brother had custody and full parental rights to my 10 yr old nephew since he was 10 month old,and they both lived with my mother.
My brother passed away 3 yes ago and my nephew continued living with my mother as his own mother was a drug users and not responsible parent.
Xmas day my nephews mother came and took him and hasn't brought him back to my mother since,and is now telling my mother that she has to wait until Friday 4th January as there is a meeting with social services to assess the situation, what rights does my mother have??as she's beven my nephew's guardian.
TC - 29-Dec-18 @ 7:09 PM
My son has split from his wife, have not seen my youngest grandson since just after easter he is 15yrs old. The other two who are older 18 & 21, have seen me but daren't tell their mum as she will have ago at them,what do I do about it or what help can I get.
nanny m - 13-Nov-18 @ 9:14 PM
Hi I have a 7 year old grandson for the loss two years when he comes to his dad's and mine he doesn't want to go back to his mum's he tells his mum he wants to stay with his dad infront of his dad his dad and my self has asked why but he won't say we don't want to prompt to much oh put words into him mouth we don't know how to approach it. he was in my neighbour as she has birds so they were talking about the birds and he come out with my mother shouts at me all the time my neighbour didn't know really what to say so she said she might have had a bad day but my grandson said she like it all the time can you gave any advice as we would never run his mum down oh say anythingbad against he saying he not happy there we have said to him what are you not happy about but he won't say we don't like to prompt him what way could we ask him what the problem is with his mum.
Me - 25-Oct-18 @ 10:46 AM
I haven’t saw my grandchildren for 7 weeks now.Their mother refuses to let my son or myself see them.They have been involved with Social work most of their life because of their mother.They have been with us mostly every weekend from birth. My grandson told me something his mother had done to him which was physical abuse . I informed Social services. Since then she won’t let us see them. SS have interviewed my grandson who is 8 years old in his own home and he said it didn’t happen. They have not been any help with the situation. They had been placed on a supervision order for 2 years but had been lifted 3 months ago.Her daughter has already left her and stays with her grandmother now because she left daughterin the house overnight on her own when she was 12. This was 4 years ago. It’s not the first time she has done this. I have been an integral part of my grandchildren life since they were born , which previous social workers have recognised and in all their statemennpts have always said its in the children’s best interest to have weekly contact with their father and grandmother as we are a big part of their life. They now have a different social worker doesn’t seem to see this. She said she has saw the children and has no concerns. If this is the case why have they been investigated loved with social work most of their life because of their mother .She keeps saying
I would have to take legal advice . I’m at my wits end. Can you help me please . Where do I stand and where do my grandchildren legally have a say in the situation.
Queenie - 21-Sep-18 @ 5:03 AM
My daughter has just split with her boyfreind ( not married) they have two children together there house is in joint names she has left the home because of hes unreasonable behavior and staying with a freind can she stop hes new girlfreind visiting and staying at the home she has two children herself taken into care because of mental state of health and drug abuse
Bowie - 22-Aug-18 @ 6:40 PM
Hello, my 18 year old daughter had a baby 6 months ago. She lives with me and I have done the majority of care for my grandson as she has struggled caring for him.Yesterday she walked out with him to go and live with a man she has known for 3 months who has been verbally abusive to her and has a drinking problem. When she was 17 she was in an extremely abusive relationship with a man who is currently serving a prison sentence due to the severity of abuse committed against her. I have been advised to apply for Special Guardianship as my daughter doesn’t listen when I/family/various agencies have explained the risks of her choices. Social services have been involved in the past (at my request) to help safeguard her. If I apply for guardianship I’ll lose my daughter, but I’m so worried about my grandson and the risks to him. Any advice or support would be appreciated.
Kren - 9-Jul-18 @ 5:00 AM
Nans girl- Your Question:
Hi all new to this site. My daughter is moving 7 hours drive away. She has 3 children. Oldest girl. Is 12 and 2 boys. She makes a miss of dots all the time and leaves my granddaughter out all the time. I live in wales. But my granddaughter said she doesn’t want to move with her mother. She had me crying this morning saying she want to live with me and her bampi. Want can I do.
There really isn't much you can do here unless the mother will agree to your applying for a Special Guardianship Order?
LawAndParents - 6-Jun-18 @ 2:53 PM
all new to this site. My daughter is moving7 hours drive away. She has 3 children.
Oldest girl. Is 12 and 2 boys.
She makes a miss of dots all the time and leaves my granddaughter out all the time.
I live in wales. But my granddaughter said she doesn’t want to move with her mother. She had me crying this morning saying she want to live with me and her bampi. Want can I do.
Nans girl - 6-Jun-18 @ 9:11 AM
Reyna - Your Question:
My 11 year old granddaughter has lived with her grandparents for a number of years not through any thing wrong the grandparents literally live across the road. First it was because my daughter had 3 jobs then because it was help when her son was born then the grandmother got cancer. My daughter and her partner are splitting up and she wants to move into another house with both kids. Her mil has told her if she tries to move and take her daughter she will take both children away from her. The grandmother has now got social services involved the children's school and are constantly harassing my daughter who can be quite loud and vocal when attacked. They come across all the time provoking her and when she kicks off at them they have filmed her. The grandmothers family are antisocial they do not have friends or mix with anyone and my granddaughter is becoming a recluse her teeth are in a mess how do I deal with this should I get a solicitor. My daughters ex has told so many lies and she even get harassed from his new girlfriend. This is affecting my grandson as he is using bad lauguage at school and it withdrawn. The grandmother is now manipulating my grandson over things he wants he has to go to her house. My keys have gone missing food my caravan so I cannot take the kids on holiday. She turns the internet off to the kids have to be at her house to use there I pads. Police have been involved I have lost 2and half stone in weight I am at my Witt's end can anyone give me any advice.
Start by trying the Family Rights Group . They have a helpline as well as various resources that might be useful to read etc.
LawAndParents - 16-May-18 @ 2:38 PM
My 11 year old granddaughter has lived with her grandparents for a number of years not through any thing wrong the grandparents literally live across the road. First it was because my daughter had 3 jobs then because it was help when her son was born then the grandmother got cancer. My daughter and her partner are splitting up and she wants to move into another house with both kids. Her mil has told her if she tries to move and take her daughter she will take both children away from her. The grandmother has now got social services involved the children's school and are constantly harassing my daughter who can be quite loud and vocal when attacked. They come across all the time provoking her and when she kicks off at them they have filmed her. The grandmothers family are antisocial they do not have friends or mix with anyone and my granddaughter is becoming a recluse her teeth are in a mess how do I deal with this should I get a solicitor. My daughtersex has told so many lies and she even get harassed from his new girlfriend. This is affecting my grandson as he is using bad lauguage at school and it withdrawn . The grandmother is now manipulating my grandson over things he wants he has to go to her house. My keys have gone missing food my caravan so I cannot take the kids on holiday. She turns the internet off to the kids have to be at her house to use there I pads. Police have been involved I have lost 2and half stone in weight I am at my Witt's end can anyone give me any advice .
Reyna - 15-May-18 @ 4:11 AM
babybronc - Your Question:
My granddaughter who was 14yrs but now is 15 came to live with me because she doesn't want to be with her mom or her two younger siblings.she doesn't like her mom's drinking and is scared that she won't stop and her brother and sister have adhd.she can't handle the comotion.she has been with me since last Oct. now her mom wants her home cause she don't like being away from her.her mom knows she don't want to go back home.what r her rights
While her mother still has parental responsibility, she can ask that the daughter returns home. Talk to social services or suggest mediation to come to arrange whereby your granddaughter spends most of the time with you but goes back regularly to the family home to maintain bonds with mum and siblings.
LawAndParents - 11-May-18 @ 2:05 PM
My granddaughter who was 14yrs but now is 15 came to live with me because she doesn't want to be with her mom or her two younger siblings..she doesn't like her mom's drinking and is scared that she won't stop and her brother and sister have adhd...she can't handle the comotion..she has been with me since last Oct.. now her mom wants her home cause she don't like being away from her...her mom knows she don't want to go back home ...what r her rights
babybronc - 10-May-18 @ 4:13 AM
Im raising my 9 year old son alone he sees his dad saturday for a few hours . I would like my mum to be able to sign consent forms for him if im not available as she takes him to some appointments how can i do this
Sparkly4 - 19-Apr-18 @ 3:24 PM
barmiejayne - Your Question:
My dauhhter/son in law are being investigated re neglect of my grandchildren thishas happened before but they gave up in 2006/7. First 3 have grownup but theeldest daughter has big problems re not clean etc. Now it's happening again with 10/5 year old the 10 year oldwants to live with me but dad & mom says I am making it up.SS have been involved for 20 months and have prove no help at all.10 year old been living with me ever weekend and all holidays since birth. Now they will not let her come here at all. 10 year old Iis terrified dad and frighten ed of mom.mom tooka knife to dad during this time. Social services only seem to want them to be better parents she is threatening to kill herself, what do I do
If social services are not helpful and you fear for the safety of your granddaughter, you could try calling the NSPCC for advice. The alternative might be to apply for a special guardianship order or residence order etc - which would mean the courts would investigate and makedecision based on the child's best interests.
LawAndParents - 21-Mar-18 @ 3:37 PM
My dauhhter/son in law are being investigated re neglect of my grandchildren thishas happened before but they gave up in 2006/7. First 3 have grownup but theeldest daughter has big problems re not clean etc. Now it's happening again with 10/5 year old the 10 year oldwants to live with me but dad & mom saysI am making it up.SS have been involved for 20 months and have prove no help at all.10 year old been living with me ever weekend and all holidays since birth. Now they will not let her come here at all. 10 year old Iis terrified dad and frighten ed of mom.mom tooka knife to dad during this time. Social services only seem to want them to be better parents she is threatening to kill herself, what do I do