What Are My Ex-Partners Visitation Rights?

Author: Charlotte Walker-Olivier

Miss M.K asks

My partner and I were never married, we have two children and have recently separated. We are both British, I live in France with the children, one of which was born here.

He has a house in France but is not resident here as he works abroad based in London and Dublin. I would like to know what my rights are with regards to custody of the children and visitation rights for their father.

At the moment he turns up in the country without notice and expects to keep the children with him, if that is for a day or three weeks, and they are very confused. Can I make him regularise his visits? Who do I speak to, an English lawyer or French?

Parental Responsibility

As the mother of the children you automatically have what is known as parental responsibility for them. This gives you both rights and responsibilities for the children. These include providing a home for the children, protecting them, making decisions about their welfare and education, and deciding where they live.

The unmarried father of a child will only have Parental Responsibility for that child if he entered into a parental responsibility agreement with the mother or obtained a parental responsibility order from a court. For children born after 1st December 2003, unmarried fathers may acquire parental responsibility by jointly Registering The Child’s Birth with the mother. If none of these apply, you have sole parental responsibility and the right to make any decisions involving the children.

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Custody of Your Children

It seems that, either by an agreement with your ex-partner or just because it seemed the natural thing to do, you have custody of the children. It would appear that this arrangement also suits your ex-partner’s lifestyle. This is also compatible with you having parental responsibility.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

Visitation Rights

Your real concern seems to be the way your ex-partner has taken to arriving unannounced and expecting the children to stay with him. If you have sole parental responsibility, you are entitled to say how and when these visits should take place. If your ex-partner also has parental responsibility, he will be equally entitled to say what he thinks it should happen. However, it sounds as if the only consideration your ex-partner gives to these visits is what suits him. It is unlikely to be in the children’s best interests to have no idea from one minute to the next what will happen.

UK or French Law

Asking the courts to resolves issues involving children should always be a last resort. In England, the law which governs children’s issues, the Children Act 1989, specifically states that the children’s welfare is always paramount when a court decides what order to make and whether it should make an order at all.

If there is any possibility that this issue can be resolved through discussion with your ex-partner, this should be the first step. Perhaps your ex-partner has not given much thought to how his arrangements impact on the children’s wellbeing. Stability and routine may be of paramount importance to them after the trauma of a break-up.

If you and your ex-partner cannot reach a mutually acceptable agreement regarding visitation and /or custody, you may still wish to consult a lawyer. If you and the children are permanently based in France, it would almost certainly be appropriate to consult a French lawyer. Conducting legal proceedings in the UK from France would be time-consuming and expensive.

Under European Law, the decision of a court in one EU state regarding issues of parental responsibility should be recognised by the courts of all other member states. Therefore a decision reached in France should be binding in the UK.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Parental Rights Checker lets you check your legal rights as a parent on education, health and welfare decisions. Try it now →

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135 questions

Ask Law and Parents a Question

Mimi 14/03/2021 at 10:50 pm

I have a daughter who’s father left when I was pregnant with her, since giving birth the father now wants parental responsibility and has applied to the court for this as well as visitation rights, do I have to agree to both of these?

Lissiebeth 24/08/2020 at 8:02 pm

Me and my ex split up around 3 years ago, our son is 6 and up until around a couple of months ago everything was amicable, he always looked after our son on the weekends as I work all weekend, he came to my house to look after him. Two days ago he came to the house, told my son to get his coat and shoes on and that he was taking him out. I haven’t seen my son since, I have no idea where he is as my ex won’t tell me. I message to ask when is he coming back, with a response of, he wants to stay with him again. What can I do

b.0.s 18/04/2020 at 1:09 am

My daughters father and I split up when my daughter was 6 months old, he moved out and started blackmailing me with suicidle threats .. ( of which I do not have proof of anymore) my daughter is now 3 and he has seen her about 10 times since she was 6 months old so in and out her life and it has affected her, I wanted him in her life I would pay for his petrol to come see her ect , he had a drug habit which he actually got pulled over for with cocaine in his system , and soon after demanded he should take her out in his car out .. which I refused because he openly told me about him being pulled over and about a court date ect. He now has a new girlfriend and she’s messaged me pretending to be him , Also I invited him to see my daughter on Christmas Day which his girlfriend stopped, and said it wasnt okay for me to be around him, only problem is, that he’s only ever seen her while I’ve been there (his choice) he’s never asked to have her on his own or even go to the park , he’s never cared . And now all of a sudden his girlfriend is messaging me saying that he wants to be taking her out ect ect and it’s in his right... I’m worried about my daughter getting hurt this has already affected her twice emotionally. I don’t know what to do anymore

jlc 29/10/2019 at 2:01 pm

My ex hasn't seen his son since he was 3 hes now 10 my ex was violent to me and also while I had our son in my arms. He was never really around for those first 3 years either as he was always causing arguments so he wouldn't have to come down and see us as we were meant to be in a relationship. My 10 year olds son doesn't want to know him as he remembers things I don't talk about his father to him. Only if I'm explaining why he doesn't see him. His dad is now trying to pursue court to see him. What are my sons rights?
I'm now married and his step father has been in his life for 5 years and he has a loving caring environment.

B8 19/06/2019 at 11:35 pm

My relationship broke down about 1 month ago. I have 2 children both 2 yrs old. My partner took my children whilst i was at work to his mistresses house and stayed there over night. I informed the police and filed missing reports as i had no idea what had happened or where they are. He has been violent,taken drugs and stolen money from me on a regular bases. Since then i have left him but because i do not think he is safe he hasn't had any contact with his children. I currently work full time and so use a nursery, which he knows they use. Yesterday he visited the nursery and although there was no trouble i am concerned about the safetyoh my children.He is an illegal immigrant and has no means of supporting himself let alone 2 children. He has only been seeing this woman for a couple of months and she isn't working and has three children of her own.Can i stop him from seeing the children as i feel he is not in a position to support his children? And does he have the same rights as a legal person?

Lisa 19/06/2019 at 11:13 pm

My relationship broke down about 1 month ago. I have 2 children both 2 yrs old. My partner took my children whilst i was at work to his mistresses house and stayed there over night. I informed the police and filed missing reports as i had no idea what had happened or where they are. He has been violent,taken drugs and stolen money from me on a regular bases. Since then i have left him but because i do not think he is safe he hasn't had any contact with his children. I currently work full time and so use a nursery, which he knows they use. Yesterday he visited the nursery and although there was no trouble i am concerned as he is illegal he has no means of supporting himself let alone 2 children. Can i stop him from seeing the children? And does he have the same rights as a legal person?

Meens 15/08/2018 at 1:53 pm

Hi, my daughters dad has never really made an efford he fits her in when he can be bothered, he has recently started dating a drug addict, he himself hates drugs but has decided to make a go at things with her, he hid this from me because he knows how much i hate drugs, i do not want my daughter around that kind of life style and i do not trust that he will keep the girlfriend away or that he wont start taking himself, what grounds do i have to keep her away from them?

Donska 25/06/2018 at 7:10 pm

My son's father and I came to an amicable agreement when we first broke up, that he would have custody of him on the weekends. We were never married and he's on my son's birth certificate we split up about 8 years ago. My ex partner now quite often keeps him over night on a Sunday, with the promise to take him to school on the Monday. He has consistently not taken him into school saying that our son is ill, but my son has told me, he was fine.
He has often decided to pick him up and just take him for several days whenever he feels like it. What can I do to get his father to adhere to a schedule? We don't have any legal agreement, and I'd like to keep things amicable. It's making me very anxious, I don't know what to do.

Jane 18/06/2018 at 9:00 pm

My sons dad is a drug dealer therefore I don’t let my son go to his house as it’s not a good environment, I have stopped him coming into my home as he got agressive with me, I still want my son to have a relationship with him so agree that he can take him to a park etc but now he’s threatening me with court to get him to stay every weekend, will he have any rights?

Amy 31/05/2018 at 2:57 pm

Me and my split up 1 year we got two kids together he wants to see his kods but i dont trust him in the sense if he doesnt return the back to me even though I do want the kids to see their dad but im only scared if he doesnt return the kids back to me as his name is on the birth certificate

LawAndParents Editor 22/05/2018 at 3:15 pm

He should ask the mother to attend mediation with him in order to try and reach a mutually acceptable arrangement for contact. If this does not resolve things, he could consider apply to the court for a child arrangements order (court form C100). The judge will listen to all the facts and make a decision based on the son's best interests.

Sam 16/05/2018 at 5:44 pm

My son has a 16 month old son which his ex-girlfriend only allows him to see him for four hours every second Saturday she also says that he's not allowed to bring him to London to see his other family and now he has a new partner she said he's also not allowed to meet her where does my son stand on this thank you

LawAndParents Editor 14/05/2018 at 2:05 pm

Why don't you agree more contact at a specific times? You can formalise this in the courts if necessary. Being alloweed to "speak to them" at a certain time each evening doesn't seem like it will help the father/children bonding. Perhaps he could take them to school on certain days? Have them for tea/overnight on a few days each week etc.

Chezza 14/05/2018 at 9:09 am

Hi me and my partner split 2 years ago (technically 4 years but remained constant emotionally) anyway we have 2 children together 5 and 3 years old so still babies .
He took it upon himself to turn up at random times when it suited him and at first i allowed this but hes moved on with someone else and thinks he can call them early morning before the mad rush to school and calling somerimes lunchtime at weekends but i have always kept to the strict 6pm each night for him to speak to our girls which is fine with me . Am I doing the right thing? We don't get on, and as I have the children it's my parental responsibility what works best ? He can't just ring when it suits him ? And he definately can't just turn up surely for a quick kiss and cuddle and to give girls a little present or something when it suits him?

Ty 01/05/2018 at 1:41 pm

Can his name still be added to the bc even if he's involved with drugs drink and domestic abuse

LawAndParents Editor 01/05/2018 at 10:23 am

You should explain that it's not in your baby's best interests to have strangers popping in at random and taking her out. Agree regular amounts of contact at this stage and say you will not stop breastfeeding until you're ready. Advise him that he must stick to the regular contact agreement before you will consider increasing it as the baby gets older. The fact he's not on the birth certificate is not especially relevant as he can apply to the courts to have his name added if necessary.

Ty 30/04/2018 at 12:21 am

My ex hasnt seen his 3 month old for 2 months he hasn't bothered to come and visit I don't trust him with her he's previously done drugs and other stuff and is expecting me to stop breastfeeding so he can have her on his own he isn't on the birth certificate I didn't put him on for certain reasons what rights does he have to take her and make demands to just walk back into her life and start asking me to take her out

Ellie 22/03/2018 at 9:11 am

My Ex and I have had an arrangement since we split two and a half years ago that our son stays with him at his parents house every other weekend. This has always worked for us other than on the occasions that he doesn’t show up or decides to go on holiday or nights out on his weekend instead. Our son had his own room with a bed, books and all of his toys etc at his paternal grandparents house. My ex has now started renting a 1 bedroom flat with his girlfriend, he lied to me and told me that our son had his own room there and so I even encouraged him to go and see it and choose how to decorate it. When he returned from his weekend with my ex he told me that he doesn’t actually have a bedroom or a bed there and he’ll either be sleeping on the sofa or sharing a bed with my ex and his girlfriend. After speaking to my ex about this he’s admitted that his in fact true. I’ve told him that our son won’t be staying overnight there as it’s not right for him to have no space to call his own or even his own bed but I’m still happy for the day visits to continue. My ex is disputing this and won’t back down. Am I within my rights to suggest that this set up isn’t Inclusive of my sons best interests? He’s been through a lot of change already in a short time, is being assessed for a possible processing disorder and struggles with change as well as suffering with severe asthma that I fear will only be worsened by sleeping on a sofa or mattress on the floor. I also don’t think that it’s right for him to share a bed with his father and his girlfriend at 5 years old.

LawAndParents Editor 13/02/2018 at 11:43 am

It's a common arrangement to have alternative weekends. Perhaps you can agree to share some time in the week (if you don't already) so your ex partner can do a couple of school drops or collections and have your daughter overnight etc. Explain that you want your daughter to have quality time with both her mum and her dad and that you still want 50/50 but want to arrange it differently, so are suggesting alternate weekends and alternate two/three night weeks? Mediation is a great if you need help drawing up an agreement that works. Let us know how you get on.

Saram 11/02/2018 at 3:19 pm

My ex partner has had my daughter every weekend since birth, this was an arrangement we came to together. She starts school full time this year and i work full time , I won't get any free weekend time to spend with her. I'm going to put to him that we both share weekend's one week she stays at home with me and the following weekend she stays with him. I don't think this will go down well and need some advise as to what is the best way to a solution for us all without having to go through court

LawAndParents Editor 06/02/2018 at 3:17 pm

When a child is with a parent, who has parental responsibility, it is up to that parent to provide childcare arrangements if needed and as they see fit.

Tbf 06/02/2018 at 10:03 am

If our child is taking a week to stay with his father for visitation, can the father still carry on going to work leaving the child with his new girlfriend

Janette 12/01/2018 at 11:18 pm

I have a six year old son, my ex and I both have parental responsibility. His dad has our son every other weekend and one day in the week. My problem is my ex now trys to book things on my weekends with my son. It has led my son to become confused and unsettled. When I explained to my ex that he can not do this he bad mouths me to my son to make me to be the bad person. My dad has terminal lung cancer so on my days why my dad still can, we try and spend as much time as possible with him (my son being six) does not know his grandad has cancer but my ex does and as I have made plans for my birthday for us to go out with my dad and the rest of my family my ex has now told my son he is to go to his wedding even tho I have not agreed to this and it's again on my weekend. How can I stop this as my son never knows if he is coming or going. Myself and his dad have been to mediation before but I feel that even tho he agrees to things why we are at mediation it soon changes afterwards.

Crazikat2002 10/01/2018 at 9:49 am

My partners ex lives far from us and we have the child for half the school holidays.

The ex has now stopped answering the phone when we call preventing my partner from speaking to the child.

Is this allowed and what can we do?

Thanks

Ms.Soderberg 24/11/2017 at 11:28 pm

My Ex husband has turned into a horrible person since getting with his latest girlfriend, he's moved in with her at the beginning of November after two months together. And he has changed visitation from every week to every other week. He also quit his job so she didn't lose her benifits and stopped maintenance. Things just turn nasty as soon as we are in each other's presents, such as today he was screaming in my face at Asda our mural meeting point, because he blames me for something my cousin did. My was shouting at me that much my son was shouting at him to stop. I can't deal with this anymore, the threats and pure way he speaks to me is sickening. He walked off today with my son screaming for me and I'm at my whits end. I've never stopped him seeing his son, he never contacts and asks about him, and gets his girlfriend to message me when he has him, and when I have him she also messages me asking how my son is. I honestly don know what to do anymore.

L 20/11/2017 at 7:25 pm

My ex cheated back in June we have a 2.5 year old daughter. We have been amicable and I have been very understanding and fair. But he continues to let us down even , when he set up the schedule himself. Turns up late. Stays up late and isn’t responsible or prioritising his daughter. I’m at my whits end as what to do as there’s no trust he tells lies that he was working nights but if his is true you would re schedule your visiting I’m very fair and accommodating. He then turns up and is abusive to me in front of my daughter and kicks the door.

LawAndParents Editor 06/11/2017 at 2:15 pm

His ex wife is in breach of the court order if she refuses to allow the agreed contact. Your brother in law should be able to refer this straight back to court as a fairly straightforward matter, he may need support for you or other family members in view of his condition of course.

Caroline 05/11/2017 at 11:36 am

Hi, I really would appreciate any help, my brother in law has been diagnosed with phycosis and is medicated acordingly, he has had to take his ex wife to court to have visitation with his children, he has had to cover the cost also as there is no longer legal aid. The judge gave him initially 4hrs every other Saturday supervised visitation, his ex's mother was to be the supervisor, this went on for several months and both my brother in law and his ex wife attended mediation to try and make arrangements without the cost of the courts. Due to my B.I-laws condition he cannot cope well with confrontation and expressing what he would like, he has no issues with supervised visitation but he would like his other son to meet his sisters and cousins and us Auntie and Uncle, we all had a relationship with the children and his ex wife before they split but now she flatly refuses any contact whatsoever. This has been brought up in mediation but nothing has ever changed, she has also been turning up when he has his visitation, her mother is the one who should be supervising the visit as per the court order and it has made it awkward and now she has started saying that the children are ill and he has not seen them for a month. We don't know what we can do without causing more animosity between them, it seems like his ex is holding all the cards and she knows it. Please pleas can someone advise us on the best course of action. THANK YOU

LawAndParents Editor 15/09/2017 at 12:44 pm

It might be worth trying mediation and coming up with new arrangements agreement that you can both agree on. If this is not successful, you can apply to the courts for a child arrangements order (form C100).

Parisa kian 13/09/2017 at 9:10 pm

Hi everyone,
first time commenting on here so any help and advice is greatly appreciated.
My ex and I got married about 10 years ago providing I got him to the UK from middle east. We are now seperated for 17 months and we have a 6 year old son together. We made arrangement between us to have share responsibilities for our son where i was caring for my son 4 days out of 7 and he was doing 3 which made me continue my profession and he could also do his job on the days, he didnt have my son.
Out of the blue one day he told me that he is no longer responsible for our son and that he wants to work, save up money and go back to his country of origin.

He now decides that he can see him on sunday nights as it is his day off and it suits him best.
I dont find this fair at all to my son and also to myself and my son needs more stability and consistency providing he broke out initial arrangement without any notice.

Im completely lost as to what my next step is and what i should do for the best interest of my son.

Thank you

LawAndParents Editor 28/06/2017 at 12:50 pm

If you want to change the arrangements, you should do so via mediation. If that fails, you may need to seek a child arrangements order via the courts. The courts will order whatever they consider to be in the best interests of the child.

Rhoda 27/06/2017 at 11:07 am

Hi im having bit of disgreemant with my ex we split up 8 years ago iv had my son who is 13 years old now since birth his dad has been having him evey other weekend pick up on friday till monday he also had him on wensday bwcause of his swimming classes iv had txts from school that he took him in school late also my son dont go swimming any more i had to pay 46 pound out for that i have stop my son going on wensday has i think for his indres to be at home why he has school his dad has let him play on 18 year old games what has efeck my son ablety the way he tooks and how it effeck his head he has smash up tvs because of these games so i have stop his dad having him why hes at school i said to his dad he could have him evey weekend but he said he carnt but hes willing to take my son of me to live with his dad what rights have i got to keep my son liveing wuth me i want the best for my son fir schooling he suffers with autisum and im his fulltime carer sinc he was born and also have heart murmmer has his dad dose not take this sirously i keep his health good and his school to iv just found out that the school rings his dad up 3 days week for my son to talk to him i didnt no this till now can they do that ? When he his with his dad he is not allowed to ring me or talk to me si i got him his own phone his dad takes it off him could you help me to no what to do hes called me meltal unstable mother

LawAndParents Editor 26/06/2017 at 12:06 pm

You may need to consider an official arrangement to cover this. You could try mediation to get an agreement drawn up, in which case the mother would need to agree not to attend swimming lessons etc. Alternatively you could adapt the arrangements so you and your ex alternate the days on whcih swimming lessons occur (one week each).

Eyebrows 23/06/2017 at 2:15 pm

My ex and I agreed shared care between ourselves and our 2 girls. We care for them on a 50/50 basis, but on the days I look after them she regularly turns up to swimming and insists on helping. This gets my youngest worked up (4 years old) but when I suggest she doesn't take come along she accuses me of trying to prevent access to my girls. It seems unreasonable that she keeps interfering. Is there anything I can do, or is it only if there is an order in place?

Thanks

LawAndParents Editor 26/04/2017 at 12:48 pm

We can't really say what the courts will decide - but they always try and make their decision based on the best interests of the child.

Ash 25/04/2017 at 10:14 am

My daughters dad hasn't seen or text my daughter for 3 weeks now he's asking for over night stays and holidays abroad I'm just asking if he will get this if it was to go court hoping it won't go that far what can I do

Tnt154 13/04/2017 at 9:59 pm

My partners has a child with his ex, over the past 3 years she has been refusing to let her stay for more than one day at a time he also takes her to a gymnastics group once weekly and has her for tea twice a week. He pays child support
Recently she has stated he must have her Friday-Sunday and is stating he has to be there despite knowing that he works Mon-Sat night and is threatening to stop him from seeing her if he does not do this and is threatening him with court and being abusive in messages. She also calls him names to their daughter, and has told her once she's married she can call her boyfriend dad.
They are both on the birth certificate, can she make demands like this and if he went to mediation/court would they automatically rule in her favour like she is saying ?

Jmc 07/02/2017 at 9:00 pm

My son has a 6 year old son to an x partner
He has his son visit our home every weekend and during the week one day , all sorted by them selves
My son has a new partner and its been about a year now ,my son has moved in with his new partner ,
And his sons mother will not allow his son stay over night in their home , but is happy for their son to vome here to my house , as before ,and my son leaves his partner for the weekend to come to my house to spend weekends with his son ,
Is this the way the courts would see it

Restless 04/02/2017 at 8:26 pm

Hi,
I have a little girl of just over 18 months now. I want to leave her dad because he is abusive to me mentaly and physicaly. He told me that if I ever wanted to leave him it would be without our little girl and if I try to take her with me he would kill me and my family. I am scared for this, I am from belgium and moved here to be with him and start a family. ( he is from uk) my little girl only has a british pasport and she caries his surname, we are not maried. He did not allow me to aply for a belgian identitycard/ pasport for her and he would not allow me to register at the belgian ambassade for me or her. I want to take her back to Belgium with me because I have my whole family and friends there for support. Please tell me what my rights are, can I do this? I am not working anymore since we both decided that it was in her best interest that I stayed at home to take care of her. If I leave him do I get full custody, since he is abusive to me even when she is around and sees this?He is not abusive to her. Can I take her back to Belgium with me to raise her there? Please help me with this, I am so lost and scared to lose her.

Sally 21/01/2017 at 8:34 am

I have a 6 year old daughter who is living with her dad in Staffordshire she as been with him since we separated I've got my 18 and 16 year old living with me as he no longer wants anything to do with them but he fetuses to let me have are little girl he said she is settled and I won't have her I can see her but she can't live with me I don't no what to do as she cryed everytime she goes back .

LawAndParents Editor 18/01/2017 at 1:47 pm

You need to come to an agreement whereby you share this task. If you cannot do this between you, you need to use a mediation service or the courts. It's not fair to your children to simply refuse to take them.

Lpft 17/01/2017 at 9:40 am

I need some advice.
My ex has moved 15 miles away (I know that's not far) but he expects me to drop our 4 children off every Sunday and collect them too. He makes no effort to pay towards costs of fuel he also doesnt drive. How do I stand legally if I refuse to take them

LawAndParents Editor 05/01/2017 at 11:38 am

If domestic abuse has occurred in the past, social services may be willing to look into this for you and check that the environment is suitable.

Loulou 04/01/2017 at 1:48 pm

I want to go back to work, on a weekend. I split from father o my baby for domestic abuse. He sees his son once a week supervised. I'm scared if I work he will want out son at the weekend but he lives with family in a crowded house and they all smoke weed and drink. Would social allow my son to stay over if they did cannabis outside? I don't want my son any where near that environment!

Beverley Mcintosh 27/12/2016 at 6:53 pm

Hi. My ex has decided to move in with his girlfriend 120 miles away and expects ne to meet him half way on his return after having the children am i being unreasonable refusing to do this and is it up to himto return them safely

CR 18/12/2016 at 1:27 am

Me and my husband are splitting up, we have twins age 12 , he works full time im on Disability due to back injury I do suffer with depression but iv made massive forward steps and would never put my kids at risk they are my number 1. Im the only person on tennacy so I know I can get him to leave where do I stand with twins they are settled here have school friends everything and are happy. He works full time , he has no family etc down here and my parents are heavkly involved in my children they love them to bits so I have tremendous support with them. Do I have the right as the one who carried them to keep them with me, under no circumstances would I stop him from seeing the kids he is there dad where do I stand please desperate tk know so I can approach it all with a cool head for my kids.
Thanks CR

LawAndParents Editor 01/12/2016 at 2:44 pm

Can you or a family member ask social services about contact centre provision? You may have to seek a formal agreement via mediation or the courts in order to ensure that this is adhered to.

Baby2016LR 01/12/2016 at 9:04 am

My little girl is just over a week old and before she was born the father and I agreed that if he would want to see her it would only be a contact centre and with supervised visitation this is because of the use of drugs and that I cannot trust him for many past reasons. This was his only thing to sort out for her. However now he just ignores me everytime I ask if he's sorted it out and I'm getting messages from his family constantly asking to see her. I just don't feel safe meeting him or his family in a non supervised environment. I let him and his mum come and see her whilst we were at the hospital but now I don't know what to do they are making me feel so guilty.

Queeny 03/11/2016 at 9:44 pm

Hiya my daughter is 7 weeks old and I split from her dad way before she was born, I had no help or support from him whilst I was pregnant and has only seen his daughter for the 1st week she was born (hasn't bothered asking how she is or even visited for 6 weeks) hes not registered on the birth certificate but has stated he is going for sole custody of our daughter, can he do this? He is only saying this because I do not trust him with our daughter alone as he has a temper and health issues and have stated I will not have my daughter dropped off to any drop off centre, if he wishes to see her he can come to my house to see her, I won't be in the same room as him, but would be close by to keep an eye on him.

LawAndParents Editor 03/11/2016 at 12:21 pm

This would be up to the court to decide - you'd have to specify it as part of your child arrangements order.

Clewis 02/11/2016 at 10:21 pm

Hi
I have recently Seperated from my ex partner .. as his sister attacked me whilst I held my daughter in my arms ..
Can I stop my daughter from having contact with my ex partners family ?
As I feel uncomfortable leaving my daughter in her care ..
Just want to know my rights before taking my ex partner to court .

LawAndParents Editor 17/10/2016 at 12:40 pm

It's up to your partner to decide this really. His ex could apply to the courts for a prohibited steps order or a specific issue order to try and prevent/add conditions on to the contact arrangements. She would have to prove that any new arrangements would be detrimental to her child's wellbeing etc.

Titch 16/10/2016 at 12:28 am

My partner and his ex have an autistic son. They split 8 yrs ago now she wants him to have contact with their son but does not want me involved in her sons life. I have been with my partner 2 and a half years and we're very happy. I also have 2 teenage kids 15 and 16. Had is as got the right to keep me from having any involvement in his life. I know autistic kids need time to adjust to 1 day at a time methods and that some don't like change. But can she tell my partner I'm not to have any part of that part of his life.

LawAndParents Editor 14/10/2016 at 2:35 pm

The 19 year old is responsible for themselves but the 15 year old isn't. You might want to contact the father and make some kind of agreement between you. If that isn't successful - apply to the courts for a residence order.

Valrose77 13/10/2016 at 5:48 pm

Hi this is a question my children are now 19 and 15 my daughter has depression and anxiety attacks and my son has got autism and ADHD and they chose to live with their dad about 18 months ago.
But now I have found out he is going to Spain to see a girl and leaving my children at home there is another person also living in the house on the sofa and he smokes weed and drinks and sleeps all so my daughter is being left to look after my son.
I'm not being told that he's leaving them to go to Spain if he'd told me I'd have had the kids with me. I also know their dad drinks a lot and smokes weed .
I'd like to know what my rights are and is there anything I can do as I'm worried sick about my kids being left on there own. Is there anyone I can contact to look into this as I don't think they are being looked after if he's swanning of to Spain when he feels like it. Thank you

LawAndParents Editor 13/09/2016 at 11:17 am

You should seek legal advice on this, many solicitors will offer a few initial half hour consultation. You can seek a court order for regular contact or shared residence which will be legally enforceanble.

Eloise 11/09/2016 at 11:45 am

My ex was abusive in every way, but I have no proof. I left him 5 years ago when he threatened to kill me if I took our daughter. I believed him.
I have had contact on and off since 1-2 nights every few weeks, always on his terms. He always wants money, I pay maintenance, I buy what I can. When I don't give him extra, he makes excuses as to why I can't have or see my daughter. I haven't seen her for nearly 3 weeks now as he wants extra money which I don't have. Where do I stand, as a mother?
Have I left it too late? It's only now after counselling and getting my life back on track I feel ready to take him on but I just don't know where to start.

Toni 29/08/2016 at 9:32 am

Hi there I just sent a comment. I'm sorry it's so confusing because it repeated itself. Another question I have because she asked to see my boyfriend again he was in the house for four years. Does she have any rights by law to see him. I feel that if he's breaking away it's because he knows he's leaving the relationship and he might as well do it all together. However I think it's really wrong because I suffer from anxiety due to my father's death at a young age. I feel that him being ripped out of her life is just gonna damage Thank u

Toni 29/08/2016 at 9:27 am

My daughter is nine years old. My boyfriend and I recently split up after four years. 4 1/2 years my daughter is nine years old. My boyfriend and I recently split up after four years. 4 1/2 years. My boyfriend came when she was going to be five. They were extremely close she has her own father I am still legally married but we've been separated for about six years now. My daughter was very close to my boyfriend he in a rehab home but it appears he wanted out. that he is not going to look back anymore. Because I have requested a visitation with him or with my daughter. I have had no word yet and it's about 32 days. And I've sent emails letters and phone calls My daughter think she's going to see him after 30 days. My daughter was extremely close to him to her. I don't know what he is thinking but I would think my daughter has the right to see him or at least we need to take her down gently with the whole situation. But to be ripped out of her life and never come back would be vrry emotional. Please advise me I want to do it's right but legally again she has her own father but my boyfriend lived in the house for four years. And she woke up every morning to go to him please advise me I want to do it's right but legally again she has her own father but my boyfriend lived in the house for four years. And she woke up every morning to go to him

LawAndParents Editor 08/08/2016 at 2:46 pm

Speak to the authorities/court that assisted with the special guardianship order. They may be able to stipulate some conditions to attach to the contact.

Timidmouse 06/08/2016 at 7:23 am

I have an SGO over grandson and his parent has now unsupervised contact . The problem is they want it at their property, I know for sure that they are still selling marijuana and growing it in the property can I refuse the contact to happen, who can I Inform of my worries, he lived with them when the police and tg film crew stormed and raided there house when he was younger. I don't want him there and anything like that to ever happen to him again. He has been and seen so much in his little life, any help or advice be great. I believe I can refuse the contact to happen, I want clarification. Thank you

ANO 25/07/2016 at 3:21 pm

My ex, the father of my 12 year old daughter, has currently absconded - he is wanted by the police for abuse at a care home (minor). I have had no physical contact with this person for 12 years. He occasionally emails and phones - no cards no presents no support for my daughter - I don't want any. Mistakenly she has his surname but wants mine. He is PR as she was born after 1/12/2003. What can I do to protect her from him? Would I be allowed to keep him away from her in light of what he is wanted for? Would I be able to go to court and get her name changed? How likely would a judge grant this?

LawAndParents Editor 01/07/2016 at 2:22 pm

You would have to let the courts decide on this. If he is the natural father they'll probably order that his name can be added. However, if you have worries about his behaviour, you can ask the courts to issue an injunction or non molestation order etc.

Steph 29/06/2016 at 7:57 pm

Myself and my partner aren't together anymore, I have a six week old daughter with him who he sees regularly and pays for. However I didn't put his name on the birth certificate as he was controlling and had violent outburst in our relationship, he is now saying he is taking me to court to make me put his name on the birth certificate, can he force me?

LawAndParents Editor 07/06/2016 at 11:18 am

This is something that a court would normally enforce and you'd probably be able to prove that it was unwarranted. You might want to try negotiating an agreement with specific contact times via a mediation service; the agreement can be made legally enforceable if necessary. Note also, that while there are no specific laws, the NSPCC does not recommend leaving anyone under 16 alone overnight.

Jinxmb 05/06/2016 at 3:11 pm

Hi

Myself and my ex split 4 weeks ago and in the last 7 days she allowed me to have my kids and step son for 6 nights.

I called my children yesterday and found out she had left them all in the house and gone out. My eldest is 15 who was there but previously she has gone out and not came back leaving the kids in the house alone overnight. I called the police and they went round almost 2 hours later and told me they would not take any further action.

This has now caused a big argument and I believe she is planning to make me see my children in a contact centre.

Can she do this as I'd have thought for that to happen she would have to state I am a danger to my children but surely as I have had them overnight already she cannot force this.

Greg 19/05/2016 at 12:12 pm

My ex wife and I split 4 years ago. She has the kids growing up in England, I live in Dubai. For the last 4 years she has allowed me to visit the kids but only in the UK. Despite the fact I pay for everything and always bring them back she refuses to listen to the idea of them visiting Dubai, and say I need to get some legal paper signed to say I will be burned at the stake if i do not bring them home on time, or some such nonsense. Do you have any idea what this legal form would be and where I would find it?

Thanks

LawAndParents Editor 19/05/2016 at 10:52 am

We really don't know what a judge would decide. They usually look at all the circumstances and decide what is in the best interests of the child.

Kate 16/05/2016 at 11:37 pm

My ex partner and I agreed he could have our son every other weekend while my other son from a previous relationship was at his dad's the same weekend! We agreed these as I work the weekend while both boys are at there dad's. My ex has a daughter from a previous relationship neither him or his ex work weekends. My ex has now refused to have our son on weekends unless he has him on the same weekend he has his daughter I have spoken to work and my other sons dad and am unable to change weekends. My family help out with child care and also children are in nursery. My ex is telling me now after refusing to have our son the past weekend that he is taking me to court. I've never stopped access he fails to turn up is going away soon for a week with his other child but does not want our son I feel he threatens me with court but don't believe he would take me to court as I don't think he really wants anything to do with our son.
But in case he does would a judge force me to stop working on the weekend and make me swap weekends? Thanks in advance for the advice

LawAndParents Editor 16/05/2016 at 2:03 pm

You don't really have any rights as you are not the natural father and never formally adopted/gained legal guardianship for the child.

Nick 13/05/2016 at 1:30 pm

Hi
I married a polish lady about 7 years ago who had a 2 year old boy, since then I have brought him up as my own and he classed me as DAD.

my partner then had some affairs which led me to kicking her out (while the son was away) and seeking a divorce, she has now gone into what I believe a relationship with another woman who seems to be very controlling.

The issue I have is that my ex partner now is trying to build a bond with my son that I had gained over the last 7 years but wont let me see or talk to him

do I have any rights as the only thing we did was change his name in Poland legally and in the UK.

thanks in advance

Lisadayday 26/04/2016 at 9:09 am

My 4year old daughters biological father hasn't seen her in 3 years and before the complete stopping of seeing her he was in and out of her life for the first year of her life as and when he saw fit (I tried to get some structure and he'd not turn up or turn up stinking of weed or alcohol so I'd send him away then he'd use the "I'm her dad you can't do that" card) anyway I am aware his grandmother has died and I know she was planning on funding a solicitor to get access to my daughter even though it was never me who stopped my ex seeing her he just didn't bother. Anyway I've been with my new partner since my daughter was 6 months and she's grown up calling him daddy as my ex left when she was 1 she never knew any different this isn't something I encouraged or told her to-do it was her instinct that he was daddy and after months of trying to correct her and my ex still off the scene I let her get on with it. What would happen if he tried for access now beings as she's settled with me my partner and her 2 year old brother I have with my partner she's just started nursery etc she has her little life I don't want to tear that up for my ex when I know he wont stick to agreements and will just confuse her.

Happyface 25/04/2016 at 10:48 pm

Iam splitting up with my partner who smokes canabis to ease an illness. I have agreed he can see my 4 month old for a couple of hours 3 times a week. He is really pushy I know he is going to ask for over night visits soon. I dont think its appropriate as he can spaced out a lot of the time. Do I put my concerns to a judge or lawyer the now or wait till he tries to bully me into allowing her to stay overnight.

LawAndParents Editor 14/04/2016 at 2:13 pm

Most couples usually agree about holidays etc. If you're not willing to look after your daughter on this particular weekend perhaps there is a close relative or set of grandparents who can help?

Happy 13/04/2016 at 8:33 am

Hi I have 13 year old daughter. My ex husband has her every other weekend and every Tuesday and Wednesday after school till 7 pm. If he decides to go away with his new partner and it falls on the weekend he has his daughter do I have agree to have our daughter that weekend or not

Thank you

LawAndParents Editor 05/04/2016 at 12:20 pm

He cannot demand to have your daughter on certain days. Contact should be at times agreed between the two of you. If he takes it to court, you will have the opportunity to give your side of the story and the judge will decide what's in the child's best interested.

LawAndParents Editor 04/04/2016 at 2:16 pm

No you should try and get his consent. If you can't you can still apply but will have to prove you do not know of the father's whereabouts etc. You may need seek a child arrangements order (court form C100)

Nat 02/04/2016 at 8:23 pm

Hi just needing advice my daughter is 5 month old .my ex partner hasn't seen our child for 7 weeks has he left my home n hasn't been since.he was in contact threw text claiming he's poorly with biopolar (hearing voices etc etc) two which is two older children say there's nothing wrong.hes now demanding our daughter stay with him Friday till Sunday I told him no chance has she's far to young he doesn't know her nor ever feed or her changed her .he is now demanding he has her 8 hours aday on his own which I said no too now saying he's going for full custody please help out of my mind

Col 01/04/2016 at 6:57 pm

I have a 4 year old daughter to my ex. He hasn't had contact with her for over 2 years now. I don't want nothing from him. It's like he doesn't exist. Iv had threatening behavior from him in the past and I've tried for him to see his daughter to be apart of her life however he's been nothing but awkward and I finally gave up trying. I met my new partner a year ago and my daughter calls him daddy. Me and my partner are engaged to be married soon and a baby on the way in August 2016 and obviously my child will have their dad's surname. However my daughter has her bilogical fathers name and keeps asking why she will have a different surname to us all. The question is do I have any rights to change my daughters surname without having to contact her bilogical father to get consent? As he hasn't bothered with her and doesn't pay anything for her and I don't want anything from him. However he is on birth certificate? Please help

Adviceneeded 27/03/2016 at 10:11 pm

My sons father only wants to see him when it's convenient for him. We originally had an agreed time, place and day for this to happen but now he's coming and going as he pleases. Walks into my house unannounced (he doesn't live with me and our son) parks his car right outside the front door so that a person can't even fit through the small gap he leaves and walks round the back when there's a car park to the side of the house (we usually use the back door and the front is for a fire exit also) hes now also saying that he's going to take our son out as and when he wants and that he won't take no for an answer. When we were together his driving was so dangerous. He has several points and just doesn't care on the road. Now he's not actually on the birth certificate as for 15 weeks he was going round saying he didn't have a son.
What should or can I do to help this situation. It's not fair on my little boy.

Leine 23/03/2016 at 12:59 pm

Hi,
Currently I am 34 weeks pregnant with my first child. I've split up with my fiance when I was about 8 weeks pregnant due to his abusive behaviour. Since then I have no contact with him what-so-ever and he is not trying to contact me. I am not intending to put his details on my baby's Birth Certificate, as I don't want him to have PR.
My question is: what nationality my child will have as I am not a British citizen, and I've lived in England for 3,5 years although the father in fact is British - but won't be listed on the Birth Certificate.
At the moment I am trying to gain Right to Reside and locally based CAB told me 'Once I have my child I will have R2R due to the fact I will become a primary carer of a British Citizen - even if I don't put the baby's father on a Birth Certificate my Baby will be a British Citizen. Personally, I think they are making a mistake by assuming this.
Is the CAB information and advice right?
Thank you in advance for the reply.
Sincere Regards,
Leine

Col 21/02/2016 at 2:42 am

Back in November 2008 my ex husband and I split up and I moved out of our house and into a rented apartment (2 bedroom). For the first two years I saw my son regularly, every weekend plus each Wednesday night and his dad would come and drop him off and also collect him and we would get on really well - especially for the sake of Harvey but then my ex met his new wife to be so the trouble started. I have been falsely accused of several things and have them in writing, his wife knocked me over with her car outside my Son's school for which I have an eye witness, there has been several incidents.

LawAndParents Editor 01/02/2016 at 2:39 pm

Speak with social services about this. It may be that arrangements can be made in order that your children have supervised contact with their father.

Nix 30/01/2016 at 10:57 am

I just want to know what legal standing my ex would have to my two children when out of prison. he is currently inside for 4 counts of sexual conduct with a minor (15) will be on the register for life.. bails condition before imprisoning no unsupervised contact with any child under 18 an no cantact at all with anyone under 18 while imprisoned.. I don't believe my children should grow up with out their dad but I do believe he posses a mental risk to my children as he thinks he has done no wrong.

bonnie 23/01/2016 at 2:12 pm

My ex husband has the children living with him can he tell me that i can only have supervised visits with my children and when its convienent for him . Also does he have the right to tell me that our kids cant see speak or see my new partner even though when he has a new parnter its ok for him to let the kids meet her and even let them stay over in same house or even let them live at my childrens house for a while when he hasent known them for more than a month .

LawAndParents Editor 20/01/2016 at 2:14 pm

Present all the information to the social services - they should be able to get any relevant information from the police to assure themselves that your children would be safe to resume unsupervised contact.

2kidsmorelove 19/01/2016 at 9:39 pm

My ex got in trouble with the police last year, it was to do with possible child pornography on his home computer. It turned out he was leading a completely different life to the one i knew about, so i ended out marriage. The police took his computer equipment from our home to check for illegal images. He was not arrested or charged at this time but went voluntarily to answer police enquiries. Due to the severity of the accusations against him, Social Services requested that he only have supervised access to our two children and never stay in the same place as them overnight. They found my parenting alone to be fine and stable with a lot of support around me. As i was doing what was best fpr my children I signed a non legally binding agreement with the SS agreeing that this would be the case until the children are 18. I can honestly say that I never once believed the accusations brought upon my husband, he is not and never has been a danger to any child. We split because he had lied to me plain and simple.

Now the Police have been in contact and the computer has been checked. There are NO IMAGES relating to children whatsoever on any of his devices. There are however 18 images of 'extreme pornography', for which my ex has been given a caution. He has not had to sign the sex offenders register or anything like that.

I would like nothing more than for him to be able to see the children unsupervised and perhaps have them overnight to give me a life too! How do we go about changing the SS decision, as there is no danger to the children at all and this has been proven by the police?

kimieloutoyou 26/12/2015 at 2:44 pm

Help emergency ....
I'm the parent of my son ... He lives with his mother ... She is now refusing to have him home at a agreed time and day ... Not perfect not have the best of relationships with the ex ... But a have my son every weekend , couple full weeks a year so she goes on holiday and I pay her every week cash ...
The point - she is refusing to have him back what can I do , is it abandonedment ..

Lea 18/12/2015 at 10:15 pm

Me and my ex broke up 11 weeks ago. In 11 weeks he's seen his child twice 1c for an hour the other was about 10 minutes. He pays nothing towards her upbringing and never as. I filed for Csa against him but because of all the hassle I received off him I cancelled it. He was not willing to help pay so was not making him, makes me mad. I have at to leave my job because can not afford child care costs and family work full time so have no help there. He did not care. He contact me 2 days ago saying wanted our child for the day said yes that's fine, however I told him to pick her up before 11am and then it started again saying I'll pick her up when I'm ready. Cut the story short after arguing and arguing with him over visitation with our child I've told him to seek legal advice and stopped contact. What step will be next after seeking legal advice? How will things work out? He as no parental right, we was not married and he's not on her birth certificate.

Concerned 29/11/2015 at 7:47 pm

I split with my partner last week, we do not live together and he has only stayed at my house twice since February this year, he has not stayed since our baby was born.
Our baby is 13 weeks old and I am breastfeeding in demand, which can be every 1-2 hours.
He is demanding I let him see our baby at his house in between feeds, I'm not happy with this not only as I'm feeding on demand, he smokes in his house. I know he won't smoke when the baby is there, but his house smells of smoke.
I have offered him to come and see our baby at my house as often as he wants, I said I will go upstairs and leave them but at least I'm there should he need feeding.
He is refusing saying he does not feel comfortable at my house, and still demanding I take the baby to him.
Will I be made to let my baby go to his house? I've not be away from my baby yet. I know this shouldn't come into it but he's not contributed a penny towards our baby.

Advice 29/11/2015 at 7:35 pm

Hello,
I split with my partner last week, he's demanding I let him see our 13 week old baby at his house. I breast feed on demand, which can vary from every 1-2 hours.
I have offered him contact in my home, as often as he wants it, which he is refusing.
I'm not happy with my baby going there as he smokes in the house, I know he won't smoke when the baby is there but smell is still there. I've also not been away from my baby yet and I feel very anxious about being parted from him.
My ex never lived with us and has only stayed with me twice since February this year.
Will I be made to let my baby go to his house?

Lily 16/11/2015 at 11:30 pm

Hi I have just came out of a domestic violence relationship and my ex partner has no parental responsibilities over our children but I do want him to have a relationship with the children, because of the situation we are not allowed contact and I need somethink set in place so I know as and when he will be having the children, routine and stability is what I like for my children but he does not work like that and thinks he can have them as and when he wants to, it's more at the drop of a hat he decides to have them and doesn't give a time they'll be back so I cannot plan to do anythink and I see that as him still trying to control me so I was wondering if there was anywhere I could go for help with this. Thanks

Julie 06/11/2015 at 5:10 pm

Hi i need advice. My ex has very little to do with our kids. He will give a days notice sometimes even a few hours as to if he can or cannot have kids. We had an arrangement that he has them alternate friday/saturdays. Since meeting someone new he has no interest in the kids only a few hours a week. Can i get a visitation order so he has to have kids certain days etc?

TiamaT 05/11/2015 at 10:30 pm

hi my ex seems to think we need not communicate now as its only about the kids she has said im not welcome in her home now. and was only letting me see them once a week even tho i have own flat in same area . what are my rights my name is on all 3 kids birth certificates..

LawAndParents Editor 16/10/2015 at 9:39 am

Yes he should stick to the custody arrangements. If he wants to change them and she doesn't agree he will have to apply through the courts.

Lis 15/10/2015 at 1:53 am

Stepson divorced has joint custody. Ex isn't very stable with her husband. She recently got a job working nights and my step son works days. He wants to keep the kids on the nights she works but she threatened to call cops if he takes them can he get in trouble if he would get them?

LawAndParents Editor 14/09/2015 at 12:24 pm

You say there is no agreement in place because of his job, but you can still make an agreement that has other principles, such as he can't turn up randomly etc. How far in advance does your ex know his shift/work pattern? Can you agree to contact on a weekly basis? Say every Sunday you produce a days/times for the week to come. You must get this sorted out for the sake of your children who need routine. He should also be able to help out while you're at work and agree not to simply bring them back before his allocated time is up. We suggest you use a mediation service to draw up a legally enforceable agreement.

Lu 13/09/2015 at 4:42 pm

I'm having real problems with ex partner and need advise. There is no agreement in place because of his job. He refuses to help with the kids while I'm at work. He turns up unannounced, like this week it was 5pm on Thursday I had dinner prepared ready to cook he turned up and just walked into my home told my son to get his shoes on and took him up to KFC!!! Without telling me where he was going so food was wasted (I'm a single working parent I can't afford to throw food away) this weekend he had the whole weekend off I work every Saturday and struggle with childcare. He had washing to catch up on!!! He seen my son this morning for half hour then said he had to go (again just walked into my home) my son asks where has daddy gone so I tell him he has gone back to work now. An hour later he walks up the road what am I supposed to say to my son now. I believe kids need a relationship with their father but this is getting stupid just a half hour here and an hour there. I really don't know what to do I defo will never stop access but I'm fed up with the messing around

LawAndParents Editor 23/06/2015 at 12:46 pm

@Concerned. It's unlikely that she will get agreement from everyone else who has PR. If she did she could still apply if the child has lived with her for three out of the last five years and in the three-month period up to making the application. As she doesn't seem to have agreement for those with PR, she would have to go to court to get permission to make the application and it would be extremely difficult.

Concerned 18/06/2015 at 1:21 pm

Hi - my brother has just split with his girlfriend. He has a child from a previous relationship who he has 50/50 access with. The girlfriend who, at most, can be considered a step parent, is now asking to continue seeing the the child, maintaining it's in her best interests as she has been a part of her life for the past 4 years. I'm pretty sure she has absolutely no rights to do this but just wanted some reassurance on this (in fact my brother doesn't want his ex-girlfriend anywhere near his child).
Thanks

concerned 21/05/2015 at 5:00 pm

My daughter was in a same sex relationship and had a child wno is now 19 months old, at the time it seemed a good idea for her to put her partner on the birth certificate. Not her greatest idea as now they have split the other person now has parental responsibility and they are currently going through the courts regarding access. My daughter does not want her ex's 18 year old son anywhere near her daughter and told the judge this, but he responded by saying that was the courts decision not hers!! How can this be? The boy is not related to the child in any way my daughter was never married to this woman and they split before she was 1 year old so how can he say this is his decision my daughter agrees that the ex is entitled but to say it is the courts decision regarding this man implies that they have the power to say any tom dick or lucy can see your child!! How is this legal please?

LawAndParents Editor 13/05/2015 at 10:06 am

@sarah. You're right that the children need to maintain a routine and have a stable day to day life. They will still need their father in their lives. You could try producing your written agreement regarding arrangements for the children (and if necessary relating to finances) via a mediation service. This is a formal agreement that you should both stick to. If that fails then you will need to apply to the courts for a child arrangements order. You can find information about local mediation services from the Citizen's Advice Bureau.

Sarah 07/05/2015 at 10:55 am

I'm going through a situation quite similar to this at the moment. My partner of nearly 15 years announced 4 weeks ago via text message that he doesn't love me anymore and moved out within the same day. Things were pretty fraught, I was left to explain the situation to our children (12 and 6) and slowly, I started to let him back in again for the kids sake. Unfortunately I let me emotions get in the way and starting to thing there may have been hope for us. We became sleeping together again, he would come round unannounced to take the children to school, he starting coming round for meals, etc. Then this weekend after once again sleeping together, I see on his phone a very intimate text from another woman. We've separated for good now and as he went on holiday the very next day, have not had a chance to sit down and discuss what will happen about seeing the kids. I've tried to this via message but it ended in a very angry argument on both sides. As we both work full time and he's moved out of the family home, it's been left to me to deal with all the day to day aspects of childcare, working, school runs, bedtimes etc. This is not a problem, the children need stability in their lives and I think a routine is very important. I therefore offered that he see them at a weekend, as though the week there is simply not enough time after school, work, teatime, homework, etc before bedtime for them to see him. He's flat out refused this and says he'll take me to court. As well as this, I've also told him that the children are not to be introduced to his new partner - that's not forever, I just want to make sure that this is someone who he is serious about having in his life before they are introduced, once again for stability for the children. I'm very worried about what rights I have in all of this and your help would be greatly appreciated.

LawAndParents Editor 12/05/2015 at 12:01 pm

@Love1234. She can certainly apply to the courts for a Child Arrangements order - the courts will make a decision after hearing from everyone.

love1234 06/05/2015 at 5:22 pm

Hi can you please tell me what right my partner as too regards too his ex partner saying she is going see into having something put into place for the arrangements off there kids, as she is trying make out he is the bad one saying he doesn't stick too his agreement's. Yet he as them one day a week every Sunday due too working full time shifts all week long and also some Saturdays, she says its upsetting the children as they think he doesn't want them or want them to stop, that he keeps changing his mind on weather they stay or not, off which he doesn't. We have two boys between ourselves plus I have two aswel who live with my with my ex partner. Can she force him too have them sleeping? Only we haven't the room here and also my two girls don't always go there dads due too him working most weekends and also nights aswel so we haven't the space. She seems too think she can get something set in place as regards to him having them, is this correct?

LawAndParents Editor 12/05/2015 at 11:41 am

@Kez. That is for the courts to decide based on all the facts. They may take the wishes of your son into account as well.

Kez 06/05/2015 at 10:40 am

Hi,
Basically my 10yr old son last saw his dad nearly 6 years ago and even before that he was in and out of my sons life, visiting only when it suited my ex but now he is threatening me with court to get visitation, will he get this?

LawAndParents Editor 06/05/2015 at 2:46 pm

@Ams. If you want to restrict where access takes place then yes.

Ams 30/04/2015 at 12:27 pm

Hi my ex partners mother smokes cannabis and she and her partner both sell it from his house where she lives due to this i only want her having supervised access can i take her to court for this to get supervised in a contact centre

LawAndParents Editor 02/04/2015 at 2:09 pm

@kirst. If he does take you to court, you need to be sure to tell all this to the judge. Make a list of all your concerns, so you have them ready if/when it comes to that.

kirst 31/03/2015 at 4:03 pm

Hi I have a 8 week old baby and I've recently broke up with her dad. He said he's taking me to court over her. I don't want him near her as he smokes weed and brought herroin into our home he also screamed in her face when she wascrying for a bottle what can I do to get full access as I really don't want him hurting her as he's aggressive when he's on weed and drinks

LawAndParents Editor 02/04/2015 at 10:08 am

@Don. Could she make up for this by staying an extra night during the week? This is something you'd really have to negotiate between you rather than take it back to the courts.

don 30/03/2015 at 11:20 am

I split with my ex partner 10 years ago we went to court regarding my then 4 year old and he was granted shared parental resposability. And given access every saturday over night and Tuesday's during school hollidays and two consecutive weeks in the summer hollidays , for the last 10 years he has decided to have her every other saturday night (this suits my daughter as she gets time to spend with us too) he's never had her on a tuesday or for two weeks in the hollidays , my daughter us now 14 and some weekends she wants to stay with friends rather than go to her dads but if she does this he makes her stay with him for two consecutive weekends to make up for this, she is at the age were she wants a bit of freedom on a weekend , does she have the right at 14 to say to her dad that she doesn't want to visit the odd weekend so she can spend time at her friends ?

LawAndParents Editor 20/03/2015 at 9:49 am

@leahmarie. This would be a decision for the courts. You'd have to give good reasons for preventing any contact at all with the father's relatives.

leah marie 18/03/2015 at 7:43 am

hi I am wondering if you could assist me me and my ex partner have split I have our two twins who are 20 months on a full care order to social services but reside in my sole care under a placement with parents order there farther has a very good relationship with them and I dont
wont to stop contact between him n children but his sister the paternal aunt is wanting contact she has never maintained a high level of contact maybe seeing the children once a month there is alot of problems between us as she always interfering into my buisness n relationship with her brother do I have the right to refuse her contact to my children and prevent there father taking them to see her as I have offered her contact at my house and she doesnt want it there

K 27/12/2014 at 5:05 pm

Hi I recently split with my ex, we were not married but he has joint parental responsibility. My 9 month old infant is living with me. My ex sees him three times a week, he is a teacher so during term time has him approximately 11 hours per week and during holidays 15 hours. I am breast feeding and have approximately 3 feeds per night plus 3 per day. My ex is now saying that he will work part time in order to have joint custody (50/50) as soon as possible and that I can supply milk. Not sure how I would manage to express that much!
He has finally agreed to mediation, however I am now fearful that he will get overnight access. I do not want to stop overnight access but feel that at 9 months my infant is too small and will not be able to cope.

LawAndParents Editor 16/10/2014 at 10:17 am

@ems1234. We don't know the full facts, but it is usually in the best interests of children to have both parents in their lives. Don't be bullied into doing anything you feel would damage that.

ems1234 15/10/2014 at 3:13 pm

hi me and my ex have two kids and we are separate from each other and we have social workers involved for 4 years now and he is now saying he wants me out of his and the kids life to get social workers to go away and then get back involed again in 2 three years time what do I do take him to court or go with what he says the kids are two and three years old

col 02/08/2013 at 10:21 am

me & my ex never married have a 3yr old child father has seen child couple of time but has not seen him in over 1 year now father is a stranger to child now...father has been taking me to court for visiting rights but the court has given him visiting rights but i have to drop my child of at fathers house ie child does not knw or meet any of fathers family plus does not know or seen his father for over a year...i have asked for supervised visiting with child & father but the court is just not listening to the mothers welfare of the child...what kind of mother would any mother be to hand a child over to a complet family of strangers....is this right in the eyes of the uk law...mother has atempted a few times taking child but father late & not there & he always turns up at court over an hour late every time....mother has as also fears for her child loads more this but main thing is that in the best interest or welfare of the child to be droped of to a family that are strangers to the child uk info plz ....

nez 11/10/2012 at 10:46 am

i have split with my partner and she tells me she not putting my name on what right do i have i this matter

Jay 11/09/2012 at 2:26 pm

I've just split up from my long term partner. We have a daughter (10 months old). I want to see my daughter on a regular bassis but my ex has told me she will make it as difficult as she possibly can. So far i haven't seen my daughter once. Could anybody offer me advise please.

saz 31/08/2012 at 12:48 am

My husband I and split in 2009 between the split and now 2012 )he has hardly any contact with his two children , I have no telephone number or address for him , were getting divorced which will be finall in 6 wks and all of a sudden cafcass has contacted me he wants access what are his rights ? My children dont want to see him because its been over 3 years since he last looked at them let alone spoke to them , I have them in a stable routine , he dosent pay for then or contribute to there up bringing I do that myself what rights does have ?

No name 21/08/2012 at 3:41 pm

My husband left me and my son who was 2 and half 6 years ago. He did not give us his contact number or address for us to contact him. My son is 8 years old now and my husband wants to see him now and I just wanted to know that what right has he got over son because I've recently got married and my currant partner is very good withy son and my son calls him dad. Can I say to my ex husband that he's not allowed to see my son??

YS 04/08/2012 at 12:29 am

I separated from my ex partner when my son was around 17 months old, we were never married. I agreed for him to see our son once a week and have done everything to allow him to see his son.
After aggressive behaviour towards me 4 years ago, I put in place an agreement for him to have our son every other weekend through solicitors. Recently my son has refused to go to see his dad for various reasons, he has suffered tantrums and anxiety about staying the night at his dads (waiting on diagnosis, my son may be autistic) I have had to tell his dad a number of times that we are unable to see him.
Now my ex demands that he should see his son on the agreed weekends regardless of tantrums and thinks that my son (now nearly 8years old) should not have a choice in the matter. If I do not agree to this that he will go through solicitors again, even though I was the one who put this agreement in place for my own safety.
Now I have a stable partner and father figure for my son, I feel that these threats are due to his insecurities and nothing to do with the wealth fare of our son.
Has my son got a right to what he wants? I really don't want my son to be forced to stay with his dad if he doesn't want to. I am stuck with what to do for the best

Colin 25/07/2012 at 1:36 am

My ex wife wants to know my girlfriends address when I have my agreed to through a separation agreement time with our daughter's does she have the right to know that when it's my time.

glayvagirl 12/06/2012 at 11:36 am

I live in Scotland, and my child was born here (though I am English by birth) I want to move back to England to be closer to my Father. My ex partner (we split up 3 and a half years ago when child was 6 months old) has got contact rights from the court. He is on the childs birth certificate but we never married.

Can he stop me, am I allowed to move to better our lives?

jan 28/05/2012 at 9:17 am

daughter now 18 does not want to speak to or visit father she has not seen since a baby....her choice!! should she be forced to, she is going to university in october will the law make her while she is in education.

D 15/05/2012 at 8:49 pm

I live in the uk with my son who is 4mths old. Myself and my partner split up a month ago and the separation has been very turbulent. I have allowed my ex to have regular visits to see his son and take him out, even staying over for a few nights. Last week however he bought my son home smelling of smoke and I have since found out he has been taking my son to his friends house who has given me good reason to be concerned for my sons welfare & potential bad influence in my sons life. I have asked my partner to reassure me that he will not take my son to the house of his friend again and he has flat refused to listen to me or agree not to. As such, today I have asked him to leave my home without taking his son out as he would not agree to not take my son to the places of concern. He has since sent me threatening messages to apply for full custody of my son even though I have a wonderful home, excellent career and have provide for my son financially on my own for months now. He however now sleeps on his mums sofa, smokes weed and medically suffers from depression. He also has another child who he abandoned 5 years ago and has not had any contact with. I do not want to stop access for my ex, however if I cannot be reassured that my son will not be taken to certain places of concern what should I do next? What are my rights as a responsible mother? How can I sort out regular access for my ex without concern of where my son will be taken?

MissJ 03/05/2012 at 9:55 am

I haven't seen my ex husband for 3 and 1/2 years and neither has our five year old son. He doesn't pay anything through csa or otherwise and we've got on really well without him. Me and my new partner are getting married next year and we were even looking into changing my sons name so we all share a surname. Then out of the blue i got a text from my ex asking to see my son, he then phoned and explained that he had just split up with his girl friend, lost his job, was sleeping on a friends couch and had the week before attempted to kill himself. Under normal circumstances it would be difficult to re introduce this man to my son but his mental and financial instability worries me. Can i tell him hes not getting anywhere near my son till he sorts himself out or is that unfair?

hazy 09/04/2012 at 12:09 pm

i separated from my ex husband five years ago i am now about to start divorce proceedings during this time my ex has never requested overnight visits of our nearly seven yr autistic son who has various mental health and physical problems . We have always stuck to visits once a month with him staying at mine for one night during this time my sons father has never helped with disturbuting medications or helping with bath time etc he has never attended doctors appointments or spoke with my sons school or visited schools he also had no imput to my sons statement i dont want to stop contact but i dont think for my sons welfare it is not a good idea to suddenly send him overnight to his dad when my ex doesnt understand my sons needs . i would be happier if he were to attend a course in learning bout autism is this unreasonable

chelle 07/03/2012 at 2:49 pm

i am a single mother, my child was born on the 7th december 2011 the father was preasent wen regerstering and his details where recorded on my sons birth certificate we split up a week later, for the last 3 weeks he has not bothered with my son as he was getting back with his ex my son is three months old and all of a sudden he is demanding i let him have him every saturday and sunda and overnight on a saturday. do i have to allow him this as he says he has equal rites to my son but i dnt want him in and out of my sons life when it suits him i want to know exactly where i stand, i have offered him sundays 12 till 4 yet he saying he got the right to have him overnight and anytime he wants i want to know if this is true and how much access i have to give him as minmum without taking matters to court

LawAndParents Editor 26/07/2011 at 10:03 am

@Miss S. Denying your daughter contact with her dad is not really the way to help the situation. You need to contact the CSA and they will set up an arrangement for you.

Miss S 25/07/2011 at 8:30 pm

i have split up with my partner we are not married we split about 8months ago and he wants all the say in what goes on in our daughters life and wants to visit all the time he does not support her by givin me matainace i provide her with everything she needs he has a good well payed job to our daughter is 9mths old now n hasnt payed a penny for her wot rights do i have when it comes to visit as he dnt support her do i have the right to lower his visit to once aweek on a saturday for 3 hrs

Ms B 22/06/2011 at 1:16 pm

I live in France am british and my ex also lives in france and is dutch, we are not married. However both our names are on our sons birth registration so I understand that we both have parental reponsibility. I am worried that my ex is going to cause some problems,the split has only happened in the last couple of weeks. Does my ex have a right to take my son away from me? As the parents how does the law see our individual responsibilities eg how is it decided where my son should live, what are my rights if i wish to leave france with my son? I own a house here, outright, but as I am a full time mum at the moment I have no income, I think I should be eligible for governmental support though. My ex has is own business so could financially support my son. I would appreciate a quick response as I am very worried. Our son is 8 months old. Thanks so much.

car 20/05/2011 at 12:27 pm

I live in spain with my 2 kids and my new husband. I have 2 kids from my ex, we were not married but I want to change their names to the same as mine. How do I go about that without his say so and how can I get sole custody for my children?

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