I hope you can help. My sister left the father of her children a couple of years ago and married another man. Her oldest child, my niece, is having an awful time as her step father will not accept her and seems to want to do nothing but make her life a misery and it is ruining her self confidence.
She would rather live with her father and although my sister, her mum, got residency, I don't think she would object to her living with him. I wondered whether she had any say now she is 15? If not, what happens when she is 16? Can she choose to live with her father even if her mum says no? I hope you answer this so I can try and help a very unhappy child.
(H.W, 10 March 2009)
A.
This is a very sad situation, although there is light at the end of the tunnel. You have stated that your sister got residency so I presume that there was a Residence Order put in place when your sister separated from the father of this child. Just in case, I have also outlined the situation if there was no such residence order.
Residence Orders – If Everyone Agrees
If this is the case, then a residence order should be adhered to, although if everyone involved consents to your niece going to live with her father, there may be no need to go back to court. Your niece can simply live with her father with everyone’s blessing by way of an informal arrangement.
Residence Orders – If Everyone Does Not Agree
If your sister decides that she’s not happy for your niece to live with her father, it may be that the matter should be referred back to the family courts in order to have the residence order amended. In such a situation (when the parents cannot agree) it is important to return to court, because if one party merely acts without the consent of the other party and without court intervention, not only could the other party threaten legal action but they would also be in contempt of court.
If your niece’s biological father applies for a residence order, he will have parental responsibility until your niece reaches 18 (it’s only 16 if the mother has parental responsibility). When your niece reaches 16, she will be able to decide where she lives in any event.
No Residence Order
If there is no residence order in place in terms of your niece, there should not be a problem. If both your sister and your niece’s father agree about where your niece should live, she can simply go and stay there. If your sister is not happy about your niece living with her father, her father can go to court to apply for a residence order. If such an order is granted, it will automatically give him parental responsibility.
Timing
Given that your niece is already 15 years old, it’s important to bear in mind that the process of obtaining a residence order can take between six months and a year. Your niece can also apply for a residence order herself, but will have to ask permission from the court (called ‘leave’) to do so.
The Court’s Decision
In deciding whether or not to grant a residence order the court always considers the welfare of the child first. They will also look at your niece’s specific needs: physical, emotional and educational, as well as her age, background and the effect the change in circumstances will have. Also, they will look at how capable her father is of looking after her, and very importantly any harm the child has suffered, or may suffer in the future.
I hope this helps you to understand the situation better as regards your niece, and I hope it is something that can be resolved to everyone's satisfaction as soon as possible.
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Tracey - 29-Apr-21 @ 10:23 PM
Hi my daughter in law has dumped her two young boys on me she hasn't given me any money to support them even though she receives benefits for them. I have had them living with me for over three months now I need some kind of legal paper so I can change their school and doctors as she do not care about their health and wellbeing I need some structure to ensure they are safe with me I do not want her further down the road to tug them back from me I love my grandsons very much and I do not want to see them damaged later in life due to their mums behaviour can I get some advice please on what to do to protect my grandsons.
Nickola - 14-May-20 @ 3:55 PM
my son is in my care after mother beat him soical services are happy he reamains in my care and son wants to stay in my care I have photos of injury my son is ten very mature and intelligent his mother was reported over a year ago by school for a black eye she got away with this my son s terrified that help be sent back in her care please help
Eddy - 7-May-20 @ 10:26 PM
Hi me and my husband have been separated for over a year. 5 months ago I moved to the other side of the country to get away from him.
My daughter is 14 was coming with me but changed her mind the last minute and decided she wanted to stay with her friends and boyfriend so stayed with her dad.
I’ve been worried about her she been drinking alcohol most weekend and smoking drugs at her friends house. Her dad knows this but does nothing good about it.
She practically does what she wants.
Last night she got took home by the police for being drunk. In front of the police he grabbed her by her hair and pushed her up the stairs.
Police went up there after and asked if she wanted to talk about it but she said no.
Tonight she called me crying that he grabbed her by the collarbone and threatened that she was being sent to live with me ( which she doesn’t want to as her friends are down south,)she is so upset. I really worried about her what can I do to make her safe? I was under the impression she can choose where she lives is this true? She would be better taken care of being with me her mum.
Her dad is addicted to prescription meds and an alcoholic I’m worried he’s going to do something bad to her one day. Please help !
Bubblelush - 8-Dec-19 @ 9:31 PM
Hi me and my husband have been separated for over a year. 5 months ago I moved to the other side of the country to get away from him.
My daughter is 14 was coming with me but changed her mind the last minute and decided she wanted to stay with her friends and boyfriend so stayed with her dad.
I’ve been worried about her she been drinking alcohol most weekend and smoking drugs at her friends house. Her dad knows this but does nothing good about it.
She practically does what she wants.
Last night she got took home by the police for being drunk. In front of the police he grabbed her by her hair and pushed her up the stairs.
Police went up there after and asked if she wanted to talk about it but she said no.
Tonight she called me crying that he grabbed her by the collarbone and threatened that she was being sent to live with me ( which she doesn’t want to as her friends are down south,)she is so upset. I really worried about her what can I do to make her safe? I was under the impression she can choose where she lives is this true? She would be better taken care of being with me her mum.
Her dad is addicted to prescription meds and an alcoholic I’m worried he’s going to do something bad to her one day. Please help !
Bubblelush - 8-Dec-19 @ 9:30 PM
I'm 14 and i'm a black kid from Baltimore. I can't stand my mom she is always abusing me i'm failing science and she is talking it too serious. I want to live with my dad because he has been in prison since i was 1 we share a perfect relationship together than me and my mom and he really gets me. He isn't serious about everything but he is just like "those dads". Please help me decide. I wanted to tell my mom that i wanted to live with him since i started 8th grade and she started abusing me. One time she gave me a black eye, another time she broke my legs and with a metal stick and i couldn't walk for 5 months straight. She gave me canker sores 23 times and i'm sick of it. I think it's best to live with my dad.
clinton - 2-Dec-19 @ 2:58 AM
My ex partner and I share residency of my 11 year old daughter. she is with me from Friday after school to Monday when I currently take her to school. this was decided initially as her father only works weekends and I work Monday to Friday. her father has recently married and now has decided to move her, his new wife and her 5 children 1 & 1/2 hours away without any consultation. this will make it impossible for the court ordered arrangement to continue. I left the relationship because of his controlling and emotionally abusive behaviour and he is now exhibiting the same pattern of behaviour in his new relationship. (they have been together for approximately 10 months, married for 5)
he is adamant that my daughter is happy with the move but she is telling me she wants to stay with me. I have been advised to apply for a prohibited steps order but have to attend mediation first and he is refusing, although he is happy to meet personally to discuss the matter, no doubt he thinks he will be able to intimidate me. they are apparently moving at Christmas so time is running out.
jane - 8-Nov-19 @ 4:19 AM
Hi,
My son is 5 nearly 6. His mum has always had majority custody of him. He has been saying that he wants to live with me since he was 3. Over the past year he has started developing speech issues due to nerves around his mum. This is most noticeable in the form of stuttering and double emphasising the end of his words. He recently told his mum he hates her and doesn't like her. Today following their conversation she's cut our agreement of half school holidays down to seeing each other to four days. He told me it's because she fibs, she doesn't care about how he feels, she's really mean when she drinks and when he made a bad choice at school he couldn't stop crying when he got home but was trying to be really quite because he was scared that mummy would hear and go crazy.He understands what a lie is and can explain how he feels and the reasons why he feels the way he dose. Given these circumstances would the court listen to him or would the court say he's too young and force him to live with her until he becomes a teenager?
Dan - 2-Aug-19 @ 7:20 PM
Hi,
My son is 5 nearly 6. His mum has always had majority custody of him. He has been saying that he wants to live with me since he was 3. Over the past year he has started developing speech issues due to nerves around his mum. This is most noticeable in the form of stuttering and double emphasising the end of his words. He recently told his mum he hates her and doesn't like her. Today following their conversation she's cut our agreement of half school holidays down to seeing each other to four days. He told me it's because she fibs, she doesn't care about how he feels, she's really mean when she drinks and when he made a bad choice at school he couldn't stop crying when he got home but was trying to be really quite because he was scared that mummy would hear and go crazy.He understands what a lie is and can explain how he feels and the reasons why he feels the way he dose. Given these circumstances would the court listen to him or would the court say he's too young and force him to live with her until he becomes a teenager?
Dan - 2-Aug-19 @ 7:19 PM
My ex has cut all access to my children I'm trying mediation but I haven't seen my kids for nearly 2 months.
There is no court order on place but I don't want to do anything that can land me in trouble any advice would be appreciated
Dave - 17-Apr-19 @ 2:20 PM
Hi can anyone help me please. I am currently going for custody of my 2 daughters, and 1 had expressed her interest in to stay with me but case still concluding and she has told her dad she don't want to go back to his home ever!! I told her I'm not forcing her to go back to her dad's. If I force her to go back she will hate me and I don't want her to have a grudge against me. She's 8 and her sisters 7. Will it affect my case and while they with me.... HELP
Jonesy83 - 16-Apr-19 @ 10:33 PM
My two youngest children are currently staying with their father on a residency order but my just turning this month 12year old daughter wants to be across the road living with me full time. She needs her mother and craves this so much. Although father has residency order he has both children in no set routine his parental skills are awful he punishes her by taking her from his house to his mother's and sees that punishment I think he does not address situation well at all. They are separated all times one at his and one be at his mum's. She wants home to me what should we do to enable this. Advice appreciated. Thanks.
Orvil - 4-Mar-19 @ 5:19 AM
My younger brothers 11 & 13,are wanting to live my dad, they hate living with their mum so much so the have run away twice, my dad returning home and finding them there.
My dad would love for them to li e with him but do t know what to do?
HELP!
TL - 7-Jan-19 @ 6:42 PM
Hi my daughter is living with her dad at the moment but she is 12 years old. And she wants to come home to her mom? How did she go on about it?
kelly - 5-Oct-18 @ 2:25 AM
My 12 year old son desperately wants to live with me and hates his mum. There is no court order at all but his Mum doesn’t want him to go. What can we do? He has even just mentioned suicide and we feel helpless
Smith - 18-Jul-18 @ 7:20 PM
Hi, My daughter moved in with me recently who is now 12 due to several years of difficulty living with her mum. She clearly doesn’t want to move back but still sees her mother every weekend. She has even spoken to social services recently on her own and expressed she is much happier with me. I’m not stopping contact at all and she is welcome to see her anytime but her mother never makes that effort and does not speak to her daughter at all during the week. In fact it was myself that had to encourage my daughter to see her mum at all so I’m responsible taking her to and from her mothers house. The lady from social services said due to her age she was able “to talk with her feet” but I’m curious if there is anything I should look into legally?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Thanks
Si
Si - 15-Jul-18 @ 8:02 PM
Clurking - Your Question:
Hi my children are living with there dad, through me going through a break down 7 years ago. It was decided through social services that they stay w there dad until I sorted myself out. He hasn't got a residency order it never went through courts. I did try for share care but never went anywhere as the children's dad said they were happy where they are. I see my children every weekend and Monday, I have them one night one weekend then next weekend I have them two nights. My 9yr old is asking to live with me now. What are my rights in this. I'm a little scared of stirring things up which isn't my intention, I just don't like seeing my 9 year old upset. I have asked my 14 year old what would he like and he says he is happy as things are.
Our Response:
Speak to the father first of all if you can. He may be willing to discuss this with your son and you might be able to come to an arrangement. If not, you could try mediation, after that (if it's unsuccessful) you might consider going to court for a child arrangements order.
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