My husband left me for another married woman with 2 children under the age 3. We have two childen together, aged 6 and 8. It has only been 4 months and the children are still reeling from it.
He now wants them to meet his new partner. I have said no because of the situation and I think it selfish and unfair to bring our children into this horrible affair.
Even though I have told him I don't want them meeting her, he will do it behind my back.
Have I any legal rights to say that my husband can only see the children if I am present?
(Mrs HC, 8 October 2008)
A.
I am assuming from your question that the children live with you and that legal divorce proceedings have not yet been started.
As the children’s father, your husband almost certainly has Parental Responsibility for the children in legal terms. This means that he has a right to have a say about the children’s upbringing and welfare. Your husband is entitled to see the children and it is not really up to you to say how those meetings should be conducted.
By stipulating that he can only see the children while you are present, you are obviously affecting the relationship he can have with the children. If he does not agree with your demand, you cannot force him to comply. If you prevent him from having access to the children at all, he will have to go to court and apply for an order which forces you to give him access. Alternatively, you could go to court and apply for an order that sets conditions on the access your husband has to the children.
To prevent your children meeting your husband’s new partner, you could apply for a Prohibited Steps Order under the Children Act 1989. You would have to convince the court that it is in your children’s best interest not to meet your husband’s new partner because she would have an adverse influence on them. Your question does not mention any specifics in this respect other than your natural unhappiness about the circumstances. Going to court is not a decision to be entered into lightly and will almost certainly add to your children’s distress.
It does seem that your husband is not being very responsible and is rushing things by wanting the children to meet a new partner so soon after the end of your relationship. How does he know that this new relationship will last? Is it fair on the children to introduce a new person into their lives while they are still trying to come to terms with the huge upheaval they have experienced?
Although I am sure that it is hard for you to talk to your husband calmly, perhaps you could encourage him to read some guidance on introducing new partners to children. If you can persuade him that you are only thinking of the children’s best interests – and not stopping them from meeting the new partner out of spite – he might be prepared to listen.
If you cannot reach an agreement with your husband, you will almost certainly have to consult a solicitor to discuss the legal options open to you.
Hi there
My partner left his wife over 4an half yrs ago her boyfriend who she is still with moved in with her an the two kids. I met him after this an we have been together ever since, I met the kids an since we moved in together we spend every 2nd weekend together with them, they share parental responsibility! She applied for the divorce which he gladly agreed to! She is now being incredibly difficult about the kids an myself saying I may not b left alone with them for more than 2 hrs I may not text them an when I speak to them on the phone with their dad she tells them to get off the phone. She has expressed to him she wants me to have nothing to do with them, the kids and I get on beautifully, I am 42yrs old not a youngster so I don't understand the problem other than her insecurity about me trying to take her place which I have tried to reassure her many atimes won't happen. She has become very controlling any harrassing with phonecalls an texts even though we have expressed comunication only through emails via her lawyer. She is now saying she is going to stop the divorce as him an I are engaged have been for 3yrs but she doesn't want me to b their step mum! Now threating to take the eldests phone away if I contact her which we bought for communication so we have to go through her to speak to them. The kids are 8yrs and 4yrs. Please help me, I don't know what to do, I don't want to upset the kids by saying I can't see them as we get on so well an they r always telling me they love me an send me texts, how can I not answer for them then to think I don't care. Do I have any rights. Please help I can get legal aid and will whatever I can to all b happy again.
Please help.
Regards Simone
Si - 25 January 2012 @ 12:13 PM
Hi, my ex and I had an arrangement for visitation where he got our son (who is 4) every second weekend. However, every time he came back home he was quiet and withdrawn.
Eventually he said that his dad was telling him to be naughty at home and not to tell me and my new partner (well, we've been together 3 years), and that my new partner didn't love him as much as he did and that he wasn't his real dad and would never love him as much as he did. My son told my mum this a few months ago, but we let it go and kept up the visits until 6 weeks ago when he came home and wouldn't speak to anyone and was very grumpy with his little brother.
Eventually he confided in my new partner that his dad had told him to be naughty again and 'keeps putting bad thoughts in his head that he can't get out' (my sons' exact words).
I stopped the visits after that and told my ex that he can visit at my house but that our son will not be staying at his house again.
He has said that he won't visit at my house and is now telling me that he's got a solicitor and is going to go to court over this.
How will this play out??
Will my son have to stand up in court and be interviewed?
I can't see what he hopes to gain from this as I haven't stopped him from seeing our son, I only want our son to be protected from having his head messed with by my ex.
kerryblueeyes - 23 December 2011 @ 11:56 PM
@HR96 - there are no legal restrictions on this, but you have to tread carefully. Here's an article on another site that might help you: http://www.separateddads.co.uk/IntroducingNewPartnerToYourChildren.html
LawAndParents - 7 October 2011 @ 11:16 AM
A year after the very nasty split with my ex, I fell in love with a woman who I want to spend the rest of my life with, My 7 year old daughter knows about her and is always asking questions about her and has expressed an intrest in meeting her. My ex is prooving very awkward about this even though my new relationship has been going strong for nearly a year.
Am I right in asuming that I have every right to introduce my Daughter to my new partner regardless of my Ex's wishes?
HR96 - 6 October 2011 @ 6:42 PM
my son has left his wife for another women his wife is trying everything she can to stop the kids from seeing their dad, they have been to mediation but he wasnt happy about her terms and conditions for access to their children, can he take the children to live with him, he is in a stable job has a house that can accomodate them a caring partner who is willing to help him look after the children, he has supportive parents who are also willing and able to help, he pays his maintenance on a monthly basis through the csa to his ex who will not work who has a family who will not work, the children are being bullied by other kids on the estate, the mother goes on line and in the past 2 months has met several different men but she wont let his partner meet them
sharryanne - 1 October 2011 @ 11:42 AM
My wife has left me for another man who is married with 1 child, he and his wife are seperated. My wife has custody of our 3 children who are, 13,10, and 8. Do I have a legal right to stop my wife's 'new man' from interacting with my children leading up to the divorce and after the divorce, even if they get married?
Chaddy - 5 September 2011 @ 6:58 PM
Hi have a question please.my partner is currently divorcing her husband who has admitted severe alcoholism and mental health problems which have led to abuse.my partner has an interim court order in place which limits access to the hometown only.since her husband has not drunk now for 3 mths,my partner allowed 10 days overnight access with her husband and his partner on the basis that she knew where the children were and could have telephone access.however,when partner tried to call the children,her husbands new partner detailed that she couldnt speak to my partners children,and would not allow my partner know where the children were.bearing in mind my husbands new partner does not have parental responsibility,is she legally entitled to do this?i think its quite a serious offence but my partners solicitor seems a bit weak on this issue.any advice please?thanks
leon - 29 August 2011 @ 12:41 PM
I divorced my wife in 2010 and we have share custody of our only child who has coped well with the split. I now have a new partner who has met my child and recently been on holiday with us, however my ex has questioned our son and now says that she doesn't want our son around my new partner and if he is then she will stop my access.can she do this without just cause? which there isn't any. Can she demand a CRB check on my partner?
billy - 28 August 2011 @ 4:12 PM
My ex partner is on our daughter's birth certificate, he sees my daughter twice a week at his parents' house as he still lives there. However he is an alcholic & has been seen in the pub on a couple occasions drunk with my daughter. He is now demanding more access. I work full time, my daughter is at school, & the 2 day arrangment has been going on for 5 years! I do not want him to have extra accsess- where do I stand as he is on the birth certificate???
:s - 1 June 2011 @ 9:06 PM
This is a similair situation to that in which I find myself. Except for the fact that there was domestic abuse before my partner left. His new partner is very much an "undesirable sort" for a variety of reasons - abandoning her own 3 children to run off with my husband after knowing him for 6 weeks online only, attempting to commit bank fraud previously, making inappropriate & threatening comments about me & my children online where she knows I will see them etc, generally making sexually inapproriate comments and using sexually inappropriate behaviour in front of children etc. As I have stated that my husband must have supervised access due to the domestic abuse, I have currently blocked her access to my four very young children. My husband wanted her to meet my children pretty much from day one.
